Life surrendered...

A lot of stuffs goin on..

2008-04-06T20:13:00.006-07:00

Where to start.. where to start..

Well as the New Year has been stretching on, I've received more revelations from God.. as well as trying to get myself out of long-time ruts and getting myself into new ones. It's become clear to me that I have the same heart as Peter, stepping out of the boat, eager to follow footsteps of Christ. But just like him, my eyes have gone to the black waves at my every side, I've confided with reasonings of the world, and so my courage has been flooded with fear. I've become all too familiar with the claws of anxiety Peter may have felt in that time of stepping out.

Yet Gods' mercy's are new every morning. He's promised me that there's no condemnation for me, only love in His heart to draw me near. Drawing near. To Christ Jesus. I've been desiring it but not feeling the strength to hold myself up in the path He leads me down. The sacrifice seems too great. The pain seems all too real and.. disturbing. Stepping into the 'unknown' looks too fearsome. I hate being uncomfortable, hate putting myself out there in the first place with fear that I won't be consistent to carry out whatever I've started. So I'm clashing about, trying to find anything my hand can get a hold of to keep me above the swallowing waters. Fear of suffocating in all this grips my heart so much it bleeds. For awhile I've felt like this. Jus doing what I can in each day to 'get by'.. the bare minimum sometimes so I can reserve my strength for when I really need it. My eyes are opened to those around me as well, they're drowning too. I feel like I need to save myself before I can be any help to them. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do except to pray "Help!" My ears shut out God's voice, my heart has hardened more than I knew, my eyes don't want to see anymore. It's all too much. The numbing voice of the world lingers in my mind, I jus want to hear God's voice.. sometimes I'm too eager to speak for God, saying this or that is the problem. God help me to succeed in what you call me to, whether small or big. Help me to complete Your heart's desires. Help me to look through your eyes, know your heart, hear your words, live your ways. And always walk in it, that even on these black, wavy waters, I'll remain on top and be with You.
It all starts with you Jesus, I know. Jus show me how. I pray a prayer of your will and not mine. I see a very blurry vision of what you want me to do, I pray as Jesus prayed, give me strength. Your are my rod and my staff. You are the Author of Life, you wrote this story of Salvation. You are the Finisher of my Faith and You are not done. Thank you Jesus. Your grace and mercie's are my wings. I hold your love in my heart, you keep it beating, you keep me breathing. I'll wait for you Jesus.
Amen.

Something to think about.

2007-08-17T12:18:00.000-07:00

If you live wrong, you can't die right~ Billy Sunday

An old thing I wrote..

2007-08-01T16:05:00.000-07:00

WIND
Imagine the wind. Don't just imagine it, but feel it. It is light and gentle. Pleasant, feeling nice against your skin, and caressing your face. Now imagine you're up on a vast mountain. Seen from afar, you're just a little dot in the snow. People don't know the danger that lurks. You're held with pieces of rope, and toggles that are wedged into the cracks. The toggles could burst at any moment. You're hanging there hoping they wouldn't give way as the wind gets colder, and nips at your nose. The wind seems to be blowing harder the higher you get. The sun that gave you warmth is hidden behind a slope. You're in the shade, feeling colder, and energy is drawn, but determination drives you with the urge to summit. Minutes fly by as you huff and puff, finally you've reached the top of the cliff. The wind becomes harsh, almost blowing you off. You cling on with one hand, it aches to hold on, and your hand is getting weak, stinging with pain. You struggle to reach something to step on with your foot, and swing yourself so that your hand reaches a rock to grip. Will you make it to pull yourself up? The energy to hold on has drained. Will you summit? Will you withstand the wind as you climb higher? We don't know. It's all up to you.

Imagine wind surfing. Gliding on the sparkling water, a girl surfs the waves, and the wind pushes her sail. The cool breeze is pleasant, and ripples the wavering sea. The glaze of whitened water trail behind her, and water splashes. Now picture this: It's a sunny day, no clouds to be seen, the wind is blowing. The sea is beautiful because of the rolling waves to surf, and great for catching some air. Seagulls gather on the beach side, as others dance in the wind up high. Below the girl is the sea world of jellyfish, dolphins and whales that sweep the ocean floor, and mingle in the deep in prey of others. The girl loves to wind surf. The wind flowing through her hair, and makes her feel as though she's flying. You envy her because she looks like she's having so much fun. You're wishing you could be in her place. You've always wanted to try it, but hadn't yet. What's stopping you? You like the light breeze. You'd like to be in the wind. The wind so refreshing and peaceful. Yet, the wind is not always so pleasant...

You're a fisherman out at sea. You humbly rock in the waves, and bring in your catch. The breeze blowing faster then it had an hour ago. You look to the sky and see clouds rolling in. Your prediction this morning disappoints you because you thought it would be a nice day; the sunlight spilled out over all and birds chirping by your window. But all you can do is sigh and bring the anchor in. Slowly the wind increases, and waves begin to get higher. You hope and pray that you'll get to the safety of your home, and not have to face your fear of a storm. You block out the fear and picture yourself at home, in front of your fireplace. The light given off in golden glow charms your living room and gives comfort to your soul. You wish you would have stayed home, as you bring back thoughts of you standing at your window looking out at the beautiful day. You see yourself sitting before your fire, the warmth so cuddly it cradles you. But then the splash of water against your window brings you back to earth, and you wonder why the wind couldn't have mercy on you. You mutter under your breathe, and take control. Hours it seems that the battle goes on, the weather worsens with every minute that goes by, and the wind is deafening to your ears. You take hold of what you can to hold on, as cans, bottles and plates slide back and forth. You're wet from water that is splashing coming from everywhere. You look out, and the sea is dark and gloomy. At times, wind catches you off balance, almost throwing you off board, but you're quick in reactions and cling with all you might. Are you going to make it home? The harsh wind is at it's worst. The dark waves are so big, and look as though they'll swallow you. Will the wind calm down and hate no more? You hope that all will cease, and pray that it's just a nightmare and you'll wake up in the warmth of your bed. But... what if it is a dream. Surviving the treacherous storm, wind so vital and harsh. But maybe it's not. That's just it, you don't know.

Now imagine a windmill. Wind flows in and makes things work. It feels like a long day, and you're sitting there watching the wheels go round and round. You feel the whiffs of wind blowing. You stand and close your eyes, arms wide open. Now imagine flying. It's not the love of flying up high or going fast, but just the feel of the wind. It's a feeling you get nowhere else. Just you and the wind....Now put in mind that you're back at the windmill. The place that feels so lonely; just wheels turning, you and the workers on the deserted plain, middle of nowhere. But you like the way it is. There is unexplainable peace. You can walk comfortable 'round the mill. The sound, the low whistling of wind, soothes your heart- it's music surrounds you and you dance...Wind can be so many things. It's pleasant, it's frightening, it's lovely, it's harsh. Wind could be the breathe of God. Wind could be the monstrous hurricane tearing at your house. Wind is everywhere, it's all around us. What is wind to you? Do you like it? Do you hate it? Wind... it's captivating, but taken for granted. The breath taken over this earth, it fits into one of those mysteries- just imagine that.

2007-06-21T14:56:00.000-07:00

Check your vital signs.Something stirs you.Some call brings energy to your voice,conviction to your face, and direction to your step.Isolate and embrace it.Nothing gives a daya greater chancethan a good wallop of passion.
Yesterday…forgiven.Tomorrow…surrendered.Today…clarified.Jesus’ design for agood day makes such sense.His grace erases guilt.His oversight removes fear.His direction removes confusion.
Discover this mystery:as you help others face their days,you put life into your own.And life is exactlywhat many people need.
Words from Max Lucado.

Today, I will make a difference.

2007-05-30T17:20:00.000-07:00

When we see as God wants us to see,

we see heaven’s hand in the midst of sickness,

Jesus working on a troubled youth,

the Holy Spirit comforting a broken heart.

We see with faith, and since faith begets hope,

we of all people are hope filled.

For we know there is more to life

than what meets the eye.

- from Every Day Deserves a Chance -

Today I will make a difference. I will begin by controlling my thoughts. A person is the product of his thoughts. I want to be happy and hopeful. Therefore, I will have thoughts that are happy and hopeful. I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences such as stoplights, long lines, and traffic jams be my masters. I will avoid negativism and gossip. Optimism will be my companion, and victory will be my hallmark. Today I will make a difference.
I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I refuse to allow what little time I have to be contaminated by self-pity, anxiety, or boredom. I will face this day with the joy of a child and the courage of a giant. I will drink each minute as though it is my last. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and giving. Today I will make a difference.
I will not let past failures haunt me. Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on. Victoriously. No failure is fatal. It’s OK to stumble… . I will get up. It’s OK to fail… . I will rise again. Today I will make a difference.
I will spend time with those I love. My spouse, my children, my family. A man can own the world but be poor for the lack of love. A man can own nothing and yet be wealthy in relationships. Today I will spend at least five minutes with the significant people in my world. Five quality minutes of talking or hugging or thanking or listening. Five undiluted minutes with my mate, children, and friends.
Today I will make a difference.

From Shaped by God Copyright (Tyndale House, 2002) Max Lucado

"I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences... be my masters. " Yes, so many times I choose to let the smallest things trip me up. I choose to let the anger own me in that day.
But if my Yes is to God, would I not let Him be my Control in every moment too?
"I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me... I will face this day with the joy of a child and the courage of a giant... When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever." Yes, many times I find that I slack in my days. I guess I can say that speaks the same for my Faith as well. My habits will tell a lot about me. Guess I will have to discipline myself more. Thank you Lord that I can come to you as a child. Help me to have more courage. As a giant. I've always been afraid to ask for courage cuz then I'm put in places where I have to work my courage. Today will be gone forever after tomorrow, so have to make the most of my days.
"I will not let past failures haunt me... refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on. Victoriously. No failure is fatal. It’s OK to stumble… . I will get up. It’s OK to fail… . I will rise again." I love that. I will rise again, because I can rise again. Past failures plague me at every time I'm called to be courageous.. whatever the situation. Thankfully, no failure is fatal. To me. To my Faith. Even in that, God is with me.
So seeing though my Maker's eyes, one who knows and sees all, I can trust in his judgement calls in life situations, and I can take hope in His promises because He sees them happening in the future if I jus rest in His Lordship.

It's nice to know...

2007-05-26T00:18:00.000-07:00

We’re important, but not essential;
valuable, but not indispensable.
We have a part in the play, but we are not the main act.
A song to sing, but we are not the featured voice.
God is.

Mark it down. You will never go where God is not.
You may be transferred, enlisted, commissioned, reassigned, or hospitalized –
but brand this on your heart – you can never go where God is not.
“I am with you always,” Jesus promised.
Matthew 28:20 NKJV

- by Max Lucado - - from Every Day Deserves a Chance -

Undivided attention?

2007-05-15T09:26:00.000-07:00

Day 2
Two types of voices command your attention today. Negative ones fill your mind with doubt, bitterness, and fear. Positive ones purvey hope and strength. Which one will you choose to heed? You have a choice, you know. “We take every thought captive so that it is obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5 God’s Word).
- by Max Lucado - -
from Every Day Deserves a Chance -

Longing to give Him everything

2007-04-24T09:53:00.000-07:00

I know the Lord is good. Still, often I wonder if I really knew that He is good. If I really did then, trusting in Him would be no problem.
I think I know it in my mind, but actually moving out, in faith, with spirit and body as one, I know I have at least a "few times" in my life. And it was more than great. Everytime I have though, it's been no strength of mine. Somehow when I've done something, energy I haven't had before gives me strength to do whatever task is at hand. And everytime stepping out is was HARD. Think it's probably been one of those situations where a kid is about to jump off a book-case, closes her eyes, sticks her foot out, goes for it and prays to God that she can fly.
Only I know God's given me wings. And I'm under His wing.
I been observing awhile, watching everyone else try their wings out, afraid to use mine. Fear brings images of failure, intimidation, unworthyness to mind whenever I get even an inkling of courage to move towards taking that step to fly.
Everyone else looks gorgeously glorious in their faith, it's evident God is with them.
Is God with me?
Somehow or other, at times I wonder that, I always receive a message saying "Yes..."
"I'm here."
Williams Lake is... those sharp rocks and branches below me. Soaring above them, did seem difficult at a time. But I know I don't go down there alone, my Father's wing is right close.
And so far at Teacapan, God's used that to get me off the nest 'n take jumps of faith. After all, I have Maria there to ask me more about Faith and God. And before entering those doors at work, God's answered those prayers I've prayed of strength, grace, mercy, faith, trust and joy.
I've felt His blessings and living those blessings..
joy has been my strength and so everyday I love to hear that song "Today, I choose You, I give my yes to you", everday it's been easier to lift my arms, praise Him where I'm at. Even if I hadn't accomplished a lot, even when I've done too much, my God here's my songs. I don't sing all that well, I sound like more a turkey than a song-bird haha. Guess that doesn't count to a God who's created me as I am. I can sing other ways and that's just the way God likes it~

Singing my song

2007-04-10T18:39:00.000-07:00

How can I describe my life as it has been so far? It's been pretty blessed so far.. kind of like walking the steady uphill journey with the gifts of mtns, rivers, chirping birds 'n joyous songs being sung from within with all my heart:)
Gah.. I can't even describe it. The Lord has been good to me. In my job. In my friendships. His works taking place in my own life.
'Cause honestly, I dunno what the past year was about. Discouraged, tired and exhausted in heart... things are looking up though and I feel God tellin' me that He will let me know in time what that was about.
I think it's the magic word of submission.
Giving my "Yes" to God everyday.

Today I have a meeting with Marilyn, Alta, Mary 'n Dr Theissen about Youth Outreach. I'm excited. I was doing some brainstorming late last night as to what we are doing within that Outreach.. highlighting key things God's been teaching me (integrating them into this), and awesome stuff like outdoor recreation, art, cooking etc as activities.

It's honestly relief that I'm helping someone else with this dream instead of... me guiding it. Jus because I feel like I need to be under someone else's wing before I feel steady enough to do it on my own. Speaking of which, Nemiah is looking for a Youth Worker right now too. Roger was hinting it big last night lol when we went out to the movies with Colten, Brit, Cheryl 'n Kayla
The thing is though, right now.. I feel like I am where I'm supposed to be. Taking the Youth job means moving out to Nemiah 'n I kinda want to move there in Sept or even hold that off another year.
Another thing to toss into that is the fact that I want to take my Hair-design/Esthetics program ASAP, so I can get that out of the way 'n even do that job in Williams Lake (or wherever).
Commitin' it to prayer.
That's the answer.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall. ~Confucius

Teacapan Authentic Mexican Restaurant

2007-04-04T17:55:00.000-07:00

As of this past Tuesday, I started working at this new Mexican Restaurant they have here in Williams Lake. And I happen to know the people, David and Juanita.
I know it was a God-planned-this thing because I jus ran into David 'n his family at the mall and he asked me if I was still working. I told him I was looking for another job 'n he asked me "Want to work tomorrow??" Ha, this past weekend was their BIG opening.
Working at Sam's helped me to be comfortable here 'n know what to do, woot woot! It's been awesome gettin' to know the staff already 'n I'm goin to learn how to cook home-made Mexican Food!!! Yo's jealous, I can feel it. lol jus kidden.
Oh, hey, I made tortilla chips yesterday;) Well not flour-baking powder-oven style, but I cut them up 'n fried 'em. Exciting exciting I know.

For now, me 'n Cheryl are goin' to head off to Discipleship right now. Actually now... we're late!

Jus okay with' 2 leaves on my tree?? Heck no.

2007-04-02T12:57:00.000-07:00

So a lot has happened in my week already since I've posted that last one. Randy spoke at church this past Sunday and I was extremely encouraged. I don't think I have any fancy, life-altering "formulas" to living the Christian life but I know something's mysterious and real and amazing about submission put into action. It's a mightily powerful thing.
I'm not saying anything in the message Randy spoke was bland, boring and repetitive, but it was intrigue-ing, enCOURAGE-ing and uncomfortably close to what God's been speaking to me lately. Some of the stuff he said was even stuff I hadn't heard before. We read through Hebrews and a lot of the words my eyes came across jus jumped out at me. (Hebrew chapters 5-10 actually if you wanna read).
Jesus prayed honestly, but he also submitted honestly... were words that caused butterflies to overcome me. The fact that Jesus prayed in all honesty for the cup, the wrath, death, to be passed by him so he couldn't go through it tells us of a real man with real feelings and emotions and all. The fact that in all honesty he also submitted when God didn't take the cup, wrath, death, away tells us of our Saviors loving heart that even to death, Jesus gave his life for us.
Holy smokes.
That's heartaching, persevering, commited love.
All along, as Jesus prayed, it was encouraging to read that God the Father was listening. As it brought tears to Randy's eyes talking about the Father listening to his son's request to be "saved" from death, it brought tears to well up within me too. Jesus didn't want death. But he was willing to do what God wanted him to do and so to death he went.
Truely this showed the greatness of Jesus above all others. Above the angels, above prophets, above the leaders of this world.
He has a better ministry, better covenant, better sacrifice, and a better destination. A single life erased all people's eternity of sins.
So into detail Randy encouraged of the hope this gives us and the staying power of the Holy Spirit in our lives. He encouraged practicing the Presence of God and we will find that
confidence,
acceptance,
mediation,
and affection
to surely pour into our lives and unto other peoples lives.
New covenant/promises is lifelong obedience.

This is all primary and basic to ppl but... I've got my life to live out these truths and I'm making sense of things.
I've had such a headache over knowing God's work and abilities beyond jus what I can do. I jus know I can't do anything apart from Him. I'm still tryin' to make sense of this at a deeper level.

Okay, so the happenings in my life that has to do with this "new" strengthening power I'm drawing near too, Marilyn has been in prayer about this dream she has for the youth in Williams Lake for some time, we been talking and she believes that I have a part in this dream of hers as well!
It was strange in listening to her talk about the plans she's mapped out to make this dream a reality cause it was uncomfortably close to what dreams been whipping in my mind as well for the youth!
Right now we're working on a youth outreach program with the church 'n it involves everything from empowering seminars, activities, adventures and mentorship.
I love that when God gives you a dream, He's involving chosen people to help out so it doesn't feel so lonely! The truth "where 2 or 3 gather in my name, I am there also" is sweet to the soul.
Whispers of Hope is what the program's called. Hope spells out Helping Our People through Empowerment.
So that's what I'm doin, dreaming up all the details of this dream with Marilyn and running with it;)
Plus, I've got my girls back, Kayla 'n Cheryl! My partners in crime 'n I went grocery shoppin yesterdee, majority of it was spent goofing off 'n forgetting our list of things we've needed. 'N Cheryl 'n I jus spent a few hours talking about everything 'n anything.

Oh yea, the subject titled "Okay with 2 leaves???" has to do with drawing near to God 'n not cutting ourselves off from His life-abundent-giving power 'n not to be okay with selling ourselves short 'n settlin' for a 2-leaf faith.

2007-03-27T15:01:00.000-07:00

Jus a lot of random pictures...

2007-02-05T13:25:00.001-08:00

And we start with Jesus! It's the bright light...

LOL Cheryl, if you're checkin' these, ya know what I mean.

Sorry everyone, I'll include you on the inside. Simply this: every bright light we see is... Jesus!

You'll have to go on Cheryl 'n I's adventures around WL.

AnyWHO is this? Some gorgeouseses lady anyway.

Whew, hotness.

This was part of my summer. Well... when I was off work, I was the driver for April 'n Catlin. We went to Tsuniah. Didn't we have fun makin' the video?

Whoa, take a look at thatl tupe, tupae, whatever, that's what I got!

oh, gee...

My girls, I miss 'em too. Well I'll introduce you to my Small Group in Abby. GRITS Church. We all got the cravings for candy 'n chocolate. So we listened to our urges.

My awesome people: Emily 'n Mirandah!

My awesome people: Jen 'n Melissa!

My awesome people: Steph 'n Julia

Sandwiched between us is Jess 'n Hattie.

Love ya long time!

The cool spinner in the kids jungle gym close to the climbing gym in Abbotsford during one of our all-nighters that was a lot of fun *takes a breath*

Miss Yoyo. And our many cruisings up to the Lifers.

In the back you'll see the Haven, Lifeteams home. It's gorgeous up there, call me 'n I'll have to take you there!

Yep, that's me. When I had my long hair.

Oh how I miss my long hair. Not the most stunning picture of my hair down, but it was up 'n I took it down 'n took a "before" picture. Then my hair got chopped. Into bangs at least. It was hideous. To me. Never again.

The beautiful snow falling unto the streets of Abbotsford.

On our way back to Abby, one of the stops

with Amanda Yoyo 'n I!

K, this is my cousin's graduation, Kimmy!

Far wiser to descend the mountian than fall from it

2007-01-21T09:39:00.000-08:00

Those are words from Max Lucado's devo. He was talking about climbing too high for our own good. Pride. Has an ugly face.
Many ways I got a lot of pride. Even to prideful to let God help me. A lot of the time I feel like my soul is in mourning. Led myself astray and can't find the way back. I'm trying and trying.
I jus don't know how or where I'm lost.
It's frustrating to a point where sometimes I want to give up. But my conscienceness grips me so hard, that I don't give up. And I won't give up.
Trust is simple, but so hard.
Been learning more about what humility is. Still don't understand it at the same time. I'm trying hard to be humble. Trying so hard to be "good".
Think there's a key word in there, "trying", jus trying too hard.
I feel tired. Spiritually. Energy is kicking at 1.
Well, keep me in your prayers.

Who should paint you

2007-01-15T00:06:00.001-08:00

"Open and raw, you would let your true self

show for your portrait.And even if your painting turned out a bit dark,

it would be honest."

So I was taking a quiz, I was curious as to, if I ever got a portrait painting of myself, who should be the one to paint me.
Turns out it is M.C. Escher.
Who is he? I'll look up this dude.
K found him, here's the speel...

Maurits Cornelis Escher (1898-1972) is one of the world's most famous graphic artists. He is most famous for his so-called impossible structures, such as Ascending and Descending, Relativity, his Transformation Prints, etc etc. But he also made some wonderful, more realistic work during the time he lived and traveled in Italy.

Some of Escher's paintings:

Hmph, cool. I love black and white photography and paintings.

A peak at my Christmas Holiday so far...

2006-12-28T12:12:00.000-08:00

This crazy lil girl is...

my adorable god-daughter JAEL!

Jael took 3 steps yesterday!

The mother of da babbah! Miss Hattie Tanis!

And guess who came out to Nemiah all the way from Victoria?

JESSIE! Jess quit her job so she could join us, we missed you Jess!

And here, Jael decided to get into the gift we gave her.

HA! Look at these shortys...

That's better:) *tweet tweet*

Here's the beautiful "gramma" with the babe. Lookin' hot Trace!

I tried to get Billy to carry the baby but.. Jael was intrigued with the reindeer.

The lively peop's at the par-tay..

Kung fu!

After we got food in our tummies, chill time...

Kaleena's got quite the voice:)

And finally, ending this picture story with a 'pow';)

Catch ya later, I'll see what I have for picture stories for the new year!

Children in church are funny...

2006-12-12T23:50:00.001-08:00

I been tasting the real fruits of joy. Jus thinking of the fact that God knows me.

And I know Him.

That He loves me.

And I truely love Him.

Forever, I get to dwell with Him. Forever is a good long time.

The trials I know I face right now, this past Sunday crazyness at work for example, seem shortened and it's "sting" is not so unbearable...

And God is with me. That truth's joy never fails to lift me. My everyday here in Williams Lake God whispers to me "I'm here".

Freak, I love it so much.

And... 1000000000000% His, the Lord's, affection goes out to me, there's not a part in my life that He doesn't miss or ignore, but I'm in full complete focus to Him. Not sure focus is the right word..

A song jumped out at me today, one by Starfield, as I was washing the much-needed-a-wash floors. The words "misplaced affection" (referring to our affection being misplaced) and I started chewing... on how I've been "misplacing" my affections, turning my devotion/time/affection towards other things than God.

The past month I always been hearing "first to the Lord, then all else". And I found in me that, that's all I really want to do right now, devote my affection soley to God. I want to! It's an exciting feeling. I was contemplating that yesterday on my walk down to work (it was a gorgeous sunny day) and today as I was on the transit (another gorgeous sunny day).

And when those cloudy days come, I still want to push through and press into God. God tells me He's a God of all seasons, He's my strength in everything, He's not phased by the ever-changing winds of this desert-like world. Like the dunes in the deserts, shifting, swerving, moving always, that is this world, but God, He's the steady, firm, never-changing ROCK. His face, His presence, His truth, His promises, His life, His love, He stands firm and secure in absolutely everything.

And as His affection reaches out to me and holds me, He tells me so can my affection can reach out to Him. He gives me the Spirit that enables me. To follow Him, to live, to love.

And I love. Oh how I love.

2006-11-22T15:32:00.000-08:00

"Seasons of the Soul"
Painter: Rasoulli
SiziKri, I am learning to trust you more. Everyday you find a way to make me fall in love with you. How merciful you are, Your hand extends out to me. I am in a season now where I'm understanding the need to have family, my close ones and the church family. I need help, I need prayers. I need to pray. Lord salt my conversations and in my time of need, help me to share my story of your love poured out in my life so that it will touch their hearts and see the good work you are doing in me.

Bestill me, calm me and hold me.

Amen.

Some ADORABLE pictures...

2006-11-11T13:46:00.000-08:00

that I stole from Jackie's profile:)

The adorables, Jackie and baby sis Lucinda!!!

So cute I could eat her...

Awww!

That's it... I'm stealing the baby!

Brotha Trev and our cuz buddy Lashway!

Lashway is Jackie 'n Lucinda's bro.

Check this out...!

2006-09-28T19:53:00.000-07:00

Our YOUTH ViDEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Click it*

I've yet to figure out

how to actually put video on here:)

But...

check it out anyway,

it's a sweet video with

my Beautiful people on it.

A Happy Birthday...

2006-09-25T16:14:00.000-07:00

to YOYO!!!
How do you feel at 21 Yoyo?
I remember those years.
I was young.
I wasn't as wise as I am now. Welcome to years of 21, it's a lot of fun, you will like it... ha.

Here's a collection of items that remind me of you;)

~Dolphins

~Sails

~Elagent-ness

~Old Men (lol!))

~GOOFYness

~Cows (they even cowFU)

~Purses ~Earrings

~Your compassion towards people

~Laughter a.k.a. JOY

~Last, not least,

FLIPFLOPS galore!

:)Happy Birthday Yo:) Love ya!:D

ALSO, a Happy Birthday to my uncles

Nelson & Gerald:D

Also, there's another birthday to celebrate... my blog:) It's been a year since I've started this. Crazy.

2006-09-18T13:48:00.000-07:00

"I watched Satan fall from heaven like a flash of lightning" Luke.10.18.

The power of God's reign is so manifest in Jesus' words and deeds that Satan's reign is self-destructing. Evil has no real power wherever the teachings of Jesus are heard and obeyed.

Let me fear no evil but let me fear to live apart from Your word and Your will.

From Wisdom of the Carpenter, Ron Miller. The book has some good stuff.

gahhh!...

2006-09-12T11:27:00.000-07:00

i'm clinging on, hanging on, i'm a leech...
i don't have very long arms either, but still i try to keep hanging on to everything in my life. to have a handle on ALL things, balance everything, trying to give myself to everything and not just one thing.
that hit me today.
i'm getting tired. of stretching myself out. in really, ways i don't have to at all.
finding my center point... that sweet spot in my relationship with God, where I can always come back to, place of balance and security in Him, where I can keep dancing and not fall.

"Let there be no space in me

where you are not present,

no corner of my life

which you do not fill".

2006-09-11T14:44:00.000-07:00

We're sepereated. Me 'n Yo. We can't laugh together anymore. Or fight. No more cow-fu on each other.
But one thing that brings us together... CELL PHONE!

Yoyo's in Abby, I'm in Williams Lake.

We departed yesterday.

Yoyo, Amanda 'n I went down to Abby, had a beautiful dinner with Jimmy, Andrew 'n Thomas, we went to church and saw our beautiful people, I went to the Hill Haven and welcomed the NEW Lifeteamers (... WELCOME NEW LIFETEAMERS! IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU!!!), I met up with Mercy and then said my g'byes :( I'm goin to miss my South home.

But no fear, I'm goin to visit a lot for sure.

Hey, Yo came out of the summer with a new name: Stands with a Fist.
Well put Dave, she does have quite a bit stamina for her young age.

Cows are special to me 'n Yo.

If you wanna listen...

2006-08-24T21:09:00.000-07:00

Listen to thisss... I jus' found the song. Stroll down and find the song;) You'll have to have Real Player or Windows Media)

.......................................

"JARS of CLAY: The Eleventh Hour"

Trace the shape of my heart, till it becomes more familiar to your eyes. I've been lost without you, cold without your love. It's taken days and nights to make me realize.

Rescue me from hanging on this line. I won't give up on giving you the chance to blow my mind. Let the eleventh hour quickly pass me by. I'll find you when I think I'm out of time.

Take the place of my heart, till I become a stranger to my life. I've been down without you, wrong without your love. In time will I be what you're thinking of?

Rescue me from hanging on this line. I won't give up on giving you the chance to blow my mind. Let the eleventh hour quickly pass me by. I'll find you when I think I'm out of time.

I've been down without you, cold without your love. In time will I be what your thinking of?

Rescue me from hanging on this line. I won't give up on giving you the chance to blow my mind. Let the eleventh hour quickly pass me by. I'll find you when I think I'm out of time.

................................

It's not enough to just read the lyrics. The instruments, the vocals, the lyrics together... it's amazing. Really speaks to me. All of it, all the lyrics.

We're heading to Williams Lake... 5 in the morning! :S Got to get there by 8am. We can finally replace our shattered windshield.

About lunch time or around 1pm, I hope we have already headed out to Abbotsford. Yoyo 'n I will be at the Reunion (Lifeteams):)

Amanda, I can't wait to see youuuu! I miss you like crazy. There's much to tell. About how my journey's been.

It's about that time to sleep, so I'm goin to crash. When I awake... it will still be dark.

..... at least I get to see the sunrise.

Surprises are cool.

2006-08-21T11:23:00.000-07:00

I just found out TODAY is my LAST day at work. Whoa! Crazy. I thought I had a few days yet.. I guess nooot. I had 65 hours left since my last cheque. Now I'm out.
Tomorrer I'm goin with April and Catlin to Tatlayoko! Fiddling around with the Editing Deck over there, wohoooo!
And tonight, if I can, I'll be quading around with Abo Binx and go to baseball. THIS is a GOOD day:)
This is sort of a before picture (of me)... Yoyo, Holly 'n I.
And this is now...

Your are SUPPOSED to see layers. LOL. Well okay, I'll get a better picture eventually. It's considerably shorter than it was before and very thin.

I like it:)

Denise is very good. If you need a haircut, go to Planet Hair in Williams Lake. Appointment only. Call her.

Okay, I'm crusing. It's past 4. I'm goin look for Darren. Pick on him.

Holy Spirit help me trust you in this Dance

2006-08-20T17:10:00.000-07:00

We are not the healers, we are not the reconcilers, we are not the givers of life. We are sinful, broken, vulnerable people who need as much care as anyone we care for.
The mystery of ministry is that we have been chosen to make our own limited and very conditional love the gateway for the unlimited and unconditional love for God.
"In the Name of Jesus"
Henri J. M. Nouwen

Realized a few days ago, while I was at work, "my success" in life of faith is not about my technique, how much skill I have under my belt, but it's really all about...
the Holy Spirit.
It is the Spirit doing the work of salvation in the place,
not me.
Not me.
Not me.
Not me.
I listen, that's a pause in my dance with my Partner.
I know my Partner.
And He's the one who leads me to the next movement in our dance.
He leads me. He takes the lead. Not I.
I move, follow Him on the floor.
My floor, is Nemiah Valley.

And as of now... I am before my dance.
Have I just started? I don't know.
I am afraid to take my Partner's hand.
I think it's humiliation. What if I fall, what if I don't get it, there are better dancers than I, I'm not committed enough to this dance, I've messed up before.
I'm a perfectionist too afraid to go out on that floor.

How do I get rid of this fear?
People keep encouraging me to go out on that floor. They tug on me, even shove me out there. I keep away.
I dance the same routines I know. Slowly I know I'm getting restless and bored.
There's a conviction that I am to move on...

My teacher, my Partner is gentle, merciful, graceful and full of wisdom in this Dance...
still I don't want to dance?
I don't want to let my teacher and partner down.
I haven't gone to my dance lessons, my spending time with the teacher has become less and less. I want to get rid of this rebellious bug.
I lack understanding, I want more.
I lack the grace, I want more.
I've avoided the me God's made me to be for too long.
Getting bored with the routine of rebellion and bored with thinking I know a thing or 2 about this Dance of Salvation.
I want all that God has for me.
To learn this dance, be a good student and succeed in this Dance.

I really want to dance your dance God.
My Spirit is willing, my flesh is weak.
Holy Spirit counsel me. Give me the patience to learn this and the understanding to carry it out.

Rejection hurts

2006-07-31T19:24:00.000-07:00

You know it. I know it. That’s why I don’t open up. In some ways anyway. My voice after experiencing the pain was “I shouldn’t have opened up”. My heart hurt. My soul wanted to hide. I just really wanted to crash into some caring arms. I wanted to cry, and I did.

Rejection stinks. Jesus? Why did you do this for us? Put up with our shit.
It feels so lonely.
It is so hard for me to open up in the way I feel the Holy Spirit leading me too. There’s risk. Risk. That pesky word. Risk. Sounds fun at the same time. Recently, I stepped out on the limb. I moved out in the way I wanted. I opened up. Received what I expected would come in my tango with risk- pain.
Aching heart. Aching soul. My mind screaming.
I’m confused.

You maybe noticed I said wanted (I moved out in the way I wanted), maybe I should have used the word “called” instead? Sort of. There was a connection I felt. Something beautiful about the other person that I knew I should not ignore. The aura (aora?) given off was… Beautiful. Attractive. Worth the risk.

I didn’t consult the Holy Spirit in prayer before I moved from the sturdy, safe tree (the center point, comfortable zone). I fell. I took ‘matters into my own hands’. The opportunity was there, I didn’t hear a voice saying “No, don’t go there”. I didn’t wait for it. Kept God out of it. I should expect and should receive what comes when God’s snuffed out of situations. It all falls apart. Relationship falls apart. I fall apart inside. God’s hand is removed. God’s hand is not there to keep it all together.

I’m very confused about how much God can do, how much we can do together, and how much I can do myself. My question is how does everything balance out?

When I look at myself, I see a lot of ways that I’m very much a clam. Holy Spirit never tires to work at prying me open. Lord, it feels uncomfortable. I hate vulnerability. Others then have ammo to rip me up and take shots at me.
What if when I open up, and I feel you called me to it, I still hurt. Is that what you want? Want me to get used to it? The feeling sucks. Am I supposed to develop spiritual calluses? Rough me up so when something bigger comes, I’ll be able to take it?

Yes, I felt sorry. Yes, I asked forgiveness. Yes, I want another chance. Yes, I’m still hurting.

Yes, I learned from this:

Eating a fruit before it’s ripe doesn’t taste good.

I feel very strongly that I wasn’t supposed to move yet.
I feel very strongly that I bit the fruit before it was ripe.

Now I’ve got those bruises and now I’ve got that bitter taste in my mouth.

*SIGH*

Defeated by sin?

2006-07-15T19:34:00.000-07:00

No such thing.
"If we always give our all to God, and focus only on Him, it's like a ginormous wall of protection automatically around our minds, our hearts, everything! Where there is light, darkness can not abide. <= i think that's somewhere in the Bible too (Proverbs?). But ya, if we are absolutely consumed by God, and we open all of ourselves up to Him to let His light shine on and in us, then there's no way the enemy can slime ball us! Wow.... I love God."
Well said Miranda.
I *red this in your blog, I was deeply encouraged.

Dear Reader,

2006-07-08T14:21:00.000-07:00

Beloved one,
The wounded are healed by God,

their low spirits find their protection in Him.

In all paths, acknowledge Him and He will send for you, He will direct you.

The persecuted are watched over, on Lord's wings they are lifted.

Stand firm in truth, when everything is sinking around you,
remember who's rock you stand on, Jesus laid your foundation,
He is the foundation.
And he has conquered. He's overcome death.

You're with Christ, you are in Christ, you are for Christ- who can stand up against you?
None.
When God's word and Spirit is with you, rise to faithfulness. Rise to courage. Rise to confidence.
This hope will not disappoint you.

Your name was once lame, dead one, hopeless, unsuccessful, unfaithful, uncourageous one, black sheep, lost, abandoned...
But you were taken at that moment of belief and love in Jesus,
adopted,
given honor in heaven and the earth, surrounded by celestial beings...
You have a new name:
Righteous one,
Faithful one,
Courageous one,
Beloved,
Princess,
Princess,
Leader,
Humble one,
Forgiven...

Grace and mercy are yours- let love be your preferred place to be- draw yourself before the One who's made your salvation possible- spend time with the Author of your life

You will find more than you know, you love being there.

2006-07-07T19:59:00.000-07:00

I'm satisfied:)

On a beautiful Day in Nemiah~

2006-07-05T19:43:00.000-07:00

I went swimming with my bro and my cousins!

At Chilco I caught a glimpse of this cloud

(looks like an eagle to me, at least when I was gazing at it).

Too bad you can't see their faces:( lol

It goes: Trev in the front, then Lashway & then Jacky.

Below is Dillon who was in the freezing cold lake.

I don't blame him, it was bone-stiff'ng,

blood freezing water with the needles thru your body and everything.

Jackie coached me through emersing my body into it lol,

was lotta fun with her.

Here is Jacky & Lashway's sweet lil sis, Lucinda

Lucinda is a Latin name, meaning "Bringer of Light"

She's definately a Lil Light;)

The boys jumped in right away and we were jus' wimps.

Some goofy pics of me and Trev (again, hehe)

Ta-daaa! That's our day adventures:)

On a beautiful Night in Nemiah~

Our night adventures begin...

We bommed through the backroads to Chilco Lake...

My quading buddies- April, Kym 'n Yoyo

Tough summer I know :P

A close-up on my squished cheeks...

The sound of waves trickling down the rocks...

the sound of peace

I'LL RETURN WITH MORE ADVENTURES! I'm off...!

randoms

2006-07-03T20:19:00.000-07:00

feeling goofy, trevy & i.

isn't he a cutie? I get to bug him all summer looooong:)

..... i look like a dinosaur.

creating me list:
-eat first. dinner is ready:) brb

-continue cleaning in the house. hopefully make some progress in our disastrous looking basement, all our stuff from Abby is stuffed into every space found

-make plans as to what colors we may use to paint our walls (us girl's room be painted for sure. we've had gorgeous weather, hope that'll continue)

also which pictures of ours we could use to stick up

-bug dad to put in new shower wall

-bug dad to go hunting this summer:D

-plan meals for next 2 weeks so we know what we need when we get our grub in WL (yes, we drive 2 1/2 hours every weekend for groceries, for those who don't know)

-put my clothes where they belong... they tend to be thrown everywhere

-call the Tanis's, they're here for the summer! Our niece Jayell will hopefully be out here too!

-get some nights out of the week planned (family game night, small-groups girls night deal... mon-wed's are gym nights, yay!)

my day tomorrow...

-shower

-interviewed after 9am for my summer job. i may be into carpentry. wohoo! out in the sun. or either i'll be w/ my Mum (a.k.a. deskwork & lotta organizing). that's ok. wear my pretty dresses.

-go to beach

-more house clean-up

Hum hum hummmmmmmmm, 's all that comes to mind for now.

Will all this get done? Maybe not tomorrow. This week! I say that and it probably won't happen. But I'm working on it.

I love this shirt I saw in Abby,

"Slacker Unite! ... maybe tomorrow". (SOMETHING like that)

It was just funny. But yeah... slacking, procrastinating, excuses= evil. I don't like evil. Away with evil. Go away evil.

Through New Doors

2006-07-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

I am back home, and it is definitely a different feeling than I have had before. This time I will be here through the summer AND into September. Weird.
Before everything seemed ‘short term’ with being in Nemiah for only the summer and going back to school in Sept- built into the community in ‘little ways’. Now… don’t think that has changed. Much. I know I’m always expecting to see and do ‘the great things’ in life. The great things are in the small things. That’s what I’m taking up for myself. Mother Theresa had said “You can’t do great things. Only small things with great love”.
“..WITH Great Love” has been the words being chiseled into my heart since I’ve got here.

I feared coming back here. Afraid that my old patterns of life would set in and there would be no motivation to let God use me. The deepest of me didn’t want to come back, at the same time, I really did. Mostly, I guess I didn’t feel ready to come back. Not prepared enough. Not willing enough. Not empowered enough.
I’m really good at making excuses.
But God tells me “So was Moses, so was Caleb, so were a lot of people…” (at making excuses).
“But you don’t know the plans I have for you. Not until you give yourself into my hands. Surrender. Trust Me. Hope in me. LOVE me.”

The past month I really been in the slumps. Scraping the bottom of the barrel (spiritually) so to speak. Sometimes I would just ‘wake up’ and be like “..WHY do I feel like this?” Feeling stupid when sometimes it would hit me, my reality is in Jesus, I’m in His Kingdom. “No scheme of man or power of evil can overcome my God or lord over me”. The life Jesus leads is not fantasy. It’s real.
And I am in His hands. (And really, what better place could I be.)
I thank God for people who could coach me through it.

Now, me being here, it’s no longer a fear, no longer just a “job” being here. I have red* one of Max Lucado’s chapter on letting God into every room of my soul. With air-conditioning you open vents of your home so the cool air circulates all areas of the house, the rooms that are open anyway. And this really did something for me. Was really weird. I found it so hard to give Everything up to God, and surrender all of me. But I just felt my soul let it’s walls down:) Doors were being opened within me.
I really feel refreshed:)

His waters are rushing over my parched, thirsty and hungry soul.

All I know is that everything turns out for the best. God has lived up to His fame these past few years: Faithfulness. In all my uncertainty, I know I can trust Him.

I wanted so much to get out into the world, instead of staying home, God provided. I didn’t even know where Abbotsford was, and there was a family there where God coordinated that we would be a blessing for them as they were a blessing to us.
We needed a place to board, they opened their home up to us. 5 years later, I know we can still go back there and we have a ‘second set of parents’ and another bro to bug!

Throughout my highschool, feeling drawn out and no energy spiritually. God provided.
After graduation, that fear creeps up in me “What am I going to do now???” I didn’t know that my first year college would be one of the best years of my life. Strengthening the ‘foundations of my Faith’, I didn’t know where this Faith came from. Now I feel stronger because I know ‘a bit more’.

I didn’t know how Lifeteams would be, and that too, became another one of the best years of my life. God provided. I came away with 12 friends who I’ll have for life and practical ways of living out my faith everyday. It was a hard year, but I been sharpened. That’s our verse of the year: “As Iron sharpens Iron, so one man sharpens another”.

My last year at CBC this year, uncertain and wondering how it would be, again I hit a really good year. God provided.

So now I’m standing at a new door. At the moment it feels like A LOT of doors I could walk through. Question is which door. I’m kind of feeling it out. Dipping my toes into where I feel the water is right.

I talked with Tim Wade of Williams Lake YFC, one person down, few more to go. I’ve got to call some peop’s from a church.. maybe work there?
When comes close to school, people at the schools?

Meh, God will provide. (I will forgive you if you close out of this window because of so much 'providing' words.. don't mean to stimulate you guys' eyes with it so much teehee)

We came into Williams Lake on Wednesday from Princeton, that felt weird. Me ‘n Yo had a really good talk on our way into Nemiah. That was SO good. It was about Love:)
I continue to have a deeper sense of that word.

When we got to the lookout, just before you hit the valley, there was a beautiful sunset all around us. We took that as a welcome home gift. Joy flood into me as I whispered “I’m home”.

Came back to Williams Lake this past weekend, that felt really good:) I felt right at home and there was an excitement in me saying “There’s good things for me here”.

(Through that door) Maybe I’ve already walked through it. Think I have.

K, thoughts are over, I'm out. Be watching a movie with my lil bro.

Greeted at home with...

2006-06-28T23:19:00.000-07:00

a beautiful sunset and lovely smiles!

We went from Abby to Princeton to Williams Lake and here we are at Nemiah. Finally! Kiss the ground at my door step I would have but I was too excited and too tired. I settled with going camera crazy. We had 5 busy days at National Conference which was held at Rock Ridge Canyon 'Resort' which is why me 'n Yoyo were in Princeton and why I'm goin to tell you later.

All I'll say is we were crowned as the DISH QUEENS of Summer 2006 (self-proclaimed).
Not only that, there was a lot of laughter, sweating blood, almost-good-as-Jan's-food food, sun-tanning, and inspiring conversations.

Right now my eyes are shribbled half it's size and brain is shutting down for zzzzzzz.

I think Jackie wants her hair done in the morning too. Jackie's my cousin, she's staying with us. She's gradding Grade 9 tomorrow along with Duane and Russ. Grad is at an insanely early hour, 10 AM. Tee hee.

Just kidden.

?Elhqan nanos?in, "see you tomorrow".

Crawling into my own bed now...

Life without the tiptoeing

2006-06-21T19:34:00.000-07:00

"All around you, people will be tiptoeing through life, just to arrive at death safely. But dear children, do not tiptoe.
Run,
hop,
skip,
or dance,
just don't tiptoe".

Above is taken from the book, "The Irresistable Revolution" by Shaine Claiborne (Ch.8). I'll continue on with what he says.
...
In my youth-group days, I had seen all too many wild would-be Jesus radicals fall by the wayside because they had never been trusted with the adventure of revolutionary living.
When I was a youth leader, one of the highschool kids who had "given his life to Jesus" got busted only a few weeks later for having acid in school. I remember asking in disappointment,
"What happened, bro? What went wrong?"
He just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I got bored".
Bored?
God forgive us for all those we have lost because we have made the gospel boring. I am convinced that if we lose kids to the culture of drugs and materialism, of violence and war, it's because we don't dare them, not because we don't entertain them.
It's because we make the gospel too easy, not because we make it too difficult.
Kids want to do something heroic with their lives, which is why they play video games and join the army.
But what are they to do with a church that teaches them to tiptoe through life so they can arrive safely at death?
...

The idea that I myself am tiptoeing around in life has stirred something in me. I don't want to be like that. I want to in waiting or moving whenever God has planned a season for it.
Another thing, I want to follow the example of rivers, moving within those boundary lines that it runs. Boundaries is what makes rivers beautiful, is what makes it's beauty.
I don't want to be death-still swamp. No boundaries and layed out ready to dry up.

I want to be hopping, skipping and dancing. Tiptoeing takes too much effort. Haha, at least to me it does.

I hope that in sharing the gospel I won't make it out to be too easy, cause it's not. And I see so much that many want to make something heroic out of their life.
I do. I want my life to mean something and go into something that will last. Something that will be good.

I want to know what you guys think, feel free to comment. Especially my youth if you're reading this! Do keep in touch with me while I'm away. I'll miss you.

So much before me...

2006-06-21T11:13:00.000-07:00

This is my prayer today, that Jesus would ''Restore to me the joy of salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. (Psalm 51:12)

Feeling a bit achy and my spirits a bit low. Now that I think about this.. asking myself why I should feel this way, and there really is no reason.
It's a beautiful day, I can see a lot of the blue sky.
I have had people around me, last night I had a great visit with highschool pals and today I'm meeting up with Sarah. We haven't hung out in the longest time. She's been on my heart and would like to see how it's been going with her. She's busy with her baby, Andrew.
Lastnight Andrew was declared "D.K.", Drool King, by Kory's sister.

I think mainly it's just that I am 'dragging myself' to be before the Lord. I hate that, it's so selfish. A lot of the time guilt and shame jump all over me and it's just too much.
Maybe it's just changing how I look at prayer.

I am before my King.
The One who has saved me from death.
Saved me from a lot of things.
He sustains me, gives me strength.
When my trust is Him, complete joy rises within and an invinsable confidence is alive in me,
I really love life then.
He is pouring His Holy Spirit like water over my parched soul.
He's holding me in His arms, I have no strength to even hold myself up.

This is a battle after all, satan doesn't like it when we are before the Lord. He knows it is powerful when we are before the Lord.
I saw this on a wall at the Eagles Rest Retreat "Making war on our knees".
At least that's what I think it said. That's what comes up when I try to remember.

But I like that. Cause it's true. I remember there been times where I feel called to pray, you know how a cat's hair rises on it's back when it suspects something, that's my soul wherever I am at.
Then there's just no desire to pray.
No willingness.
A few times I remember, I got so tired of being beat down all the time and hating the fact that I didn't want to pray, so I prayed. I knew it was bad and asked God for forgiveness. I prayed earnestly and put lil strength I had into it and was blown away at what happened.
More strength came in, I didn't know how. I prayed with the authority I had as a child of God, a princess of the Mighty King and claimed strength in the name of Jesus.

I don't know how long I prayed for..

but it was the most amazing experience I have ever had.

There was this sense of 'God-power' over me, I felt like I just won a race and came out on top. I know my soul felt like I was on wings and my Lord lifted me up from all powers of the world.
A warrior was woken up in me, the desire to pray didn't want to leave me, to be before the presence of God was where I wanted to be, no where else.

I feel encouraged even in writing this.

All I know is, there's a great call going out to all God's children in the world to meet in the throne room of God, the angels present, the earth listening,
and very few are found before the throne of God.

There are multitudes of people, many who know Jesus and His power in prayer, yet 10 out of 100 come out. I find that often I'm not in that 10.

Africa

2006-06-11T16:07:00.000-07:00

I want to go somewhere. Have my heart broken, be in a place where they don't have everything. A place where they have only their breath and barely beating heart. Will God use me there? Will He lead me to deeper place in His heart that even I cannot bear? A place too broken.
I want to get rid of the pride I have. My arrogance, ripped out of me.
My eyes opened to my own family across the world who are dying.

Will I be called for a lil while to the physically dying? Maybe than I'd see this is only a picture of how we look spiritually?
Where is our soul getting food? Where is it drawing upon water?
Do we just starve ourselves...

I find that when I'm in the midst of physical pain, Im at my worst. I hate everything. Do they feel that there? Even more maybe.. maybe all they see is hope.
Don't know.

And God.. when I am there, teach me to hold on to courage, love and hope, and not let go.

Homesick

2006-06-11T00:14:00.000-07:00

I'm missing home. Going through those lonely feelings. Sadness mixed in with all of that.

In that place of longing, sometimes not really knowing what my longing is for, some of it I know...
Uncertain about things in future... my summer back home, September coming up, having that 'man' in my life, what God is working in me now, wanting to see people I miss. Plenty of things... Yeah. Life feels lonely time to time. Longing for Jesus to come back. Now..

My tummy hurts.

We...

2006-06-08T23:04:00.000-07:00

went on our adventure to

Eagle Mountain!!!

Janelle, Yoyo, me, 'n Levi.

One of our adventures was climbing the beams on the gazebo.

I didn't make it.

But going down the slides made up for it. I had a buddy to go with me...

I wasn't scared at all...

Ooops!
It turns out that we were quite scared:S
But heyyy look at this familiar "ride"...

Our lil "Blue Bird", our jeep... or at least a jeep wannabe.

(And look who's behind the wheel!)
Someone decided to take over.

Look where THAT got us!

*Shakes fist*

"Boy drivers"

Janelley is STILL smiling.

'N who are these 2 hot chicks?

Ta-daaaa!!!

That's the end of our adventure...

at least 'til a few minutes anyway, we went to Delair Park too!

But THAT you will have to see later;)

We had an incredible night. We started with driving around aimlessly before dinner not knowing yet where to eat lol. Finally when we got all the way across town and then Levi had the brilliant idea of going to Milestones (which was on the other side of town!!! so we had to go back where we started in the first place). We were greeted with "Hello Ladies, would you like to start off with some Belinis?" The expression on our face made her laugh, we were like "... huh?" Yep, we know our alcohol. lol. Food was incredible. Except for some funky sauce on my fish 'n rice. Oh, Yoey and Janelley shared quesidilla's. They were really spicey! Even for Levi (Weakling). Well... okay, I lie, I could handle one bite.

Saaaaad.

These lovely strawberry daquiri's and pina kol-ah-da's (dunno how to spell it:P) saved our tastebuds.

We laughed, made fun of Levi, laughed s'more, made more fun of Levi... oh 'n Janelle too, she's fun to bug. Me 'n Yo, we're a tag team, "The Gruesome Twosomes".

Watch out people!

I'll come back with more stories of terrorizing people... 'n me 'n Yoyo's fun on the TIRE SWING

"Fun".

*mwahahahahha*

Written in collaberation with Yo.

Trying too hard

2006-06-06T12:37:00.000-07:00

This was a slap in the face for me. Thank you God for letting me know... although I didn't like that at first. The words "You're trying too hard" had gone deeper into my heart and meant more than just the fact that I was trying too hard to play the guitar. Haha Dave, you didn't even know it, but your words spoken to me at Eagles Rest Retreat had dragged me out of my slumber and awoke me to the reality that I'm working harder than I should at 'perfecting' my faith.
It's been since February, and STILL I'm losing my energy, the strength in me is draining. And so, these words hit me today, again. I'm annoyed with myself. Arg, God if only we could learn things the first time. I'm sorry you got to keep drilling things into my head in order that I learn. Actually, I'm not. I am, but I'm not. I am eternally grateful for your patience. I would be lost (without you). And I am sorry, that I haven't listened. I heard it, but shrugged it off.
I'm trying too hard and gripping the club too tight. Too hard and I'm shaking. Too hard and I'm worrying. Too hard and I'm stalling. Freezing.
And with the guitar, in my strumming, just trying too hard...
I still don't understand what trying too hard has to do with my strumming, i know I am trying hard, harder than I should but... I'll keep practicing at the guitar. Jimmy Sev had encouraged me to just practice. Practice practice practice.
Hey if you say practice long enough it begins to sound weird. Practice practice practice... annoying word to say.

K whatever, so.. I'm going to figure out now... how I can just keep going, my slate is clean (everyday), just keep going.

During my hikes, I see the constant moving rivers, my heart says "Yes. I want to be like that". I look at a pond, stale and unmoving, my heart says "No. Ew. Gross. I don't want to be like that". 'N lately I just been STUCK.

Back in... December I had said
"I squeezed through the brushes, blazed some new trails in my life, working on some old ones, mostly peeled through muddy areas where I have been getting stuck. Overall, I'm bomming on life's crazy roads and enjoying it!"

Not sure right now that I'm as enthusiastic. Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not. Feel that I'm in the muddy and still stuck. It's been too long now. I'm in over my head I feel sometimes. 'N I need help, God's been tellin me that too. I am independant somewhat, pioneering, and God gives me the strength to blaze new trails. But right now.. I just need help.
I hate asking people for help.
Especially if it's for myself and in my weaknesses. I never want to inconvenience anyone with my problems. At least that's what the voice keeps saying to me. I know that's not truth.

Time and season for everything, guess I'm in the season for depending on others. To help me out. I'm part of a body, part of the church, I need others. I haven't been pulling away from People, I very much love them, especially being with them. In areas of my life I keep them at a distance. I open my heart only so far as to make sure I'm not being too vulnerable. Making sure I won't get hurt.
This is lack of humility.
Lack of confidence in "God's ability through me".
Sheesh, i am a coward.

'N a verse jus popped into my head the other day "Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world".
Bing! Lightbulb!
Yup, let myself believe that he who's in the world is greater than He who is in me.
*Laughs*
So that's definately kicked me in the butt and turned me the other way.
Yup. This has been my past few months. Putting energy into too much and even no energy put into anything at all. So I'll just keep going. In that way appointed.
Get unstuck.
Refrain from trying too hard. Relax.

That's good 'cause my (spiritual) muscles may soon go into spasms.
Either that or muscle cramps.

Death, swallowed up in victory

2006-06-04T13:16:00.000-07:00

"Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?"

The sting of death is sin, and the power of the sin is the law. But thanks be to God! HE gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore... stand firm.
Let nothing move you.

Always give yourselves FULLY to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord IS NOT IN VAIN.
1 Corinthians 15:54c-58

Thank you Lord, that you enable me to surrender. No sin can hinder me from complete freedom. I am in release when I give to you all that I have.
For when I am under affliction, it is then, any sin in my life, I am more able to loosen my grip on sin.
You are my True Light.
The power of the resurrection fastens to me every morning,
every morning, a new slate. I can start clean.

Receiving power is staying power.

Isaiah 25:7-8 , Hosea 13:14

G.R.I.T.S. Youth

2006-05-31T12:38:00.000-07:00

Heeeeeeeeeeeeey
It's us! At least our group from the Scavenger Hunt. We got 2ND Place for our run-around. ~Woot woot~

Okay, so Dave just recently got a site up for our youth.

Check it out!

You'll hear Dave's thoughts, see pictures, get the scoop on upcoming eveeeeeents.
Oh! And don't want to miss the leader's profiles!

All you need to know...
Hey Reaco, THAT is the best pic I've seen of you.

Okay, my plan is: get pictures from Dave of OUR amazing group we ran around with for Scavenger Hunt and post em >>here<<.
I have to say, our substitution for our 'Bird of Prey' was pretty good. Jay and Brian, you guys did pretty good! Apparently all the youth who were judging didn't think so.
Being monkeys on trees was really good 'n our last minute snooping for a boat! Aah, sigh..

Okay my 2ND plan: sign off
3RD: make lunch for me and Eli
4TH: head out and pick up Eli
.. WOW, am I sleeeepy, I mean pick up Sasha (.. from schoool)

CHOW!

PS. Squirrels are pretty good for picking your teeth.

Who has told the lightning where it should go...

2006-05-29T21:53:00.000-07:00

-All the sky-
Chris Tomlin, you speak the words of my heart...
To the Lord,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go

I hear these words and I know,
I
am a star that God has
placed
in the sky.
God has told me this in Daniel 12:3

Those who are wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens,

and those who lead many to righteousness,

like the stars for ever and ever.

Lord let your wisdom reign on me that it may lift others and point them to you as the stars do in the sky over me right now.

You put this Light in me.

Phillipians 2: 14-16

Do everything without complaining or arguing,

so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God

without fault in a crooked and depraved generation,

in which you shine like stars in the universe

as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day

of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.

You put this Light in me.
Don't let me shut it out.

For your words and all your intentions for me Father, are not for nothing.
They are achieving in me what you've intended it for,
and that's life.
Fulfilled, abundent life.
You are making yourself known in me.

And the thunder is... mighty.
Let your presence, real and very alive in my life, be evident. As we cannot ignore the sound and fear that thunder brings to some of us, let your loved ones hear your breaking love in me.

Everyday that I choose to give my Yes to you, you bring me to ''humbly proclaim (that) 'You are amazing God'.''

And You, Jesus,
are amazing.

Our everyday ravens...

2006-05-25T10:50:00.000-07:00

Huh, God used donkeys to speak to one man, whale to swallow another and He also used ravens as well. Looks like humans are not the only ones who play significant role in God's Kingdom...

1 Kings 17 says: 2 Then the word of the LORD came to Elijah: 3 "Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan. 4 You will drink from the brook, and I have ordered the ravens to feed you there."
5 So he did what the LORD had told him. He went to the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan, and stayed there. 6 The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook.

I know, God's used a lot of things to build his kingdom that amaze us. A lot that He suses seem really odd though. I was homeschooling Eli this morning, he was doing his work and I grabbed the Childrens Bible that He has. I saw a picture of ravens with food in their mouth and a man receiving it. I hadn't heard of this story before. I like it. God allowed manna to rain from the sky, poured water out from rocks, split the Red Sea that His people may cross it ('N I think2-4 more times after that at the Jordon!), commanded a whale to swallow a Jonah, donkeys, angels, humans, a fire bush... wow.

Today I'll just stand in awe and gawk at God. Why don't you join me. He uses everything that He has made to show us He loves us... that He is in control... that He's Faithful... that He is God... the One and Only God worthy to be praised... to teach us a lesson...

Used these things, odd as they seem, that we may stand and look at God who's done it, be at awe and give Him praise for who He is. Cause He is magnificent, beautiful, glorious, good... more than anything He deserves our attentions, devotions, eyes and heart be centered around Him.

2006-05-24T12:08:00.000-07:00

Just breathe...
take in the air.
Open your heart,
and chew on these words...

An hour of content- ment. An hour when deadlines are for- gotten and strivings have ceased. An hour when what we have overshadows what we want An hour when we realize that a lifetime of blood-sweating and headhunting can't give us what the cross gave us in one day-
a clean conscience and a new start.

-MAX LUCADO "No wonder they call him the savior"
p.121

Godliness with contentment is great gain.
~I Timothy 6:6

Krutches of truth

2006-05-20T23:32:00.000-07:00

"I am here".
:) Throughout these past weeks I been feeling down, been struggling. But I see right now, as I reflect, how evident it was that I wasn't alone in it all.
I looked back over the few months and remembered all the times where my Dad has shown up, just by bringing comfort to my trembling, writing in people who made me feel better, or just spoke to me through the Bible in ways that amaze me.
He's been coming to me in image of a Father, I as His daughter, and we're on a beach. The beach has been a good place for me to meet with Him. Through prayer with others and in my own time, He likes to meet me there.
'N something's just come to light in these struggling weeks of how I got through it all.

It's been guiding principles,
'krutches of truth' that's helped up the mountain,
standing on the strong steady rock in the desert through winds of change,
being lifted up on 'eagles wings' out of the dark and above the clouds,
and like a refreshing long drink after having no water for days...

These are all images of help, guidance, a sense of victory or release after battling for awhile.

I've asked God to help me with what are my krutches that I lean on when I'm needing the extra strength, what truths come into my life or rise up in my memory when the devil is telling me lies or life throws me something hard. What's my rocks, wings, drink... (when I need it)

Here are some of mine (I recorded it in just how I remember it in my mind...):
-Every morning, renewed, release breath upon me (I am a new creature, new life in Christ, I wake up with this every morning)
-Release... in forgiveness.
I am releasing them from chains and snares. I am releasing myself from prison (of unforgiveness).
-Better in your courts than thousands else where... (seriously no better place than standin before God... in prayer)
-Hope doesn't disappoint.
-Embrace (my sis, Yo). Over time I've found that this word has opened me up to vulnerability in a healthy way, helped me to always be aware of when I need to take action to care and tend to people.
-There's jus no other way. Only one path, why take longer way of getting to place God is leading me too. I only jip myself. Listen to God in the first place. I only receive unnecessary beating from going down wrong path that I don't need.
-Confidence in fact that when I face something, I won't receive more than I can bare.
-I've received grace. Don't deserve good things. But I'm given it anyway. GIVE as I have freely been given.
-Only give what I have in my bowl, when I have nothing to give, don't feel bad about it.
When I am at a time where I need to receive, I trust God will send me someone to give to me (In other words, be okay when I have no words to say, no action to give, no service. I'm not meant to. Maybe I am to receive then? But when I have words for someone, act of service I can do for someone, love to give, I give abundently). (If I give when I have none, I'm giving of only myself, my selfishness, my human-ness. If I'm giving when I have something to give, I'm giving from the Spirit of which has allowed me to share)
Guess I could have given the reference of II Corinthians rather than explaining it all...
-Rise to compassion, not to anger. 'Cause this is what God for me...)
-There's a time for everything.
Time for assertion, time to lay back, time to mourn, cry etc. If I'm given words to speak in a moment, I am responsible for speaking it and God will hold me to it.
-Yes, Jesus is my friend. In balance with this, He is also my King. I receive freedom to lament as a friend, but respect goes hand in hand with it. My King is to be honored.
-Joy. Is my strength. Is my wings:)
I have joy with Yo, Joy in my life, even in hardship, but in the end, "I am okay.. everything is going to be okay". God has the earth, all in it, the heavens and the splendor of the galaxy in His hands.
With All this in His hands, with His hands He lifts me up to wipe tears off eyes and comfort me.
-God made me uniquely. With any authority I have, I have authority to be me. Freedom to be me. Free child. Be confident in it. I am pioneering in God's leading in my life.
-Jesus is the way. The truth. The life.
-My Lord is my Light and my Salvation.
-I picture how things could look funny as I stand before God on Judgement day. What angers me now, anything at all, would it be something that I care about when I stand before God.
Should I really get angry if a family member took the last piece of chicken (even though I really wanted). Should I sin against my brother just because of a little chicken?
(Although I don't think of chicken when something comes up, just using this silly analogy. 'N sometimes our anger is just really silly)

There's definately a lot more, these are just what came to mind as of now...

I was talkin' to Yo about this and she mentioned some of hers...
Grace and mercy... especially this year she's encountered experiences where God's shown her emmense Grace, where she herself has had to show Grace. It's kind of funny cuz through this I've seen the importance of having grace. It's releasing for others.
The word Hallelujah has become a word for her that she loves. It's excites her, it's her praise word.
Joy also has been something for her, joy in all areas of her life.

What are yours? Writing down a list is therapeutic (sp?).

Meanwhile, I got to take Eli and Sasha to Laurel's place, maybe me and Janelle will head to the beach...

grace under fire

2006-05-18T11:27:00.000-07:00

well i've cooked myself some kd, this is my breakfast.. Amanda, I'm thinking of you.

well!.. grace on fire. i saw this song title jus earlier as i was playing music upstairs. thought i would look up the lyrics. the lyrics are:

---

There was a soldier, a mighty prayer warrior Who went into battle on his face first He was up against a wall down in Jericho When the Lord appeared and said My instructions follow You've got to have ...
Grace under fire If you're gonna be of any use When all hell breaks loose You've got to have ... Grace under fire
There was a man nailed to a tree Willingly for you and me There were people standing by, who started to cry He saved others Let him save himself, let him try He had ...
Grace under fire, grace under fire If you're gonna be any of any use When your neck's in the noose You've got to have ... Grace under fire
There was a church, that would not surrender For they were wise, to the great pre-tender They did not sleep, nor did they slumber For they had received a victorious power To have ...
Grace under fire, grace under fire If you're gonna be any of any use When you're under abuse You've got to have ... Grace under fire. If you're gonna be any of any use If you want to see the chains break loose You've got to have ... Grace under fire

---

hmmm... if you're goin to be of any use.. you must have grace under fire.
you know, i'm encouraged that if we're called to great godly things, no earthly power we try to plug into it is goin to help us to have victory in it.
earthly has power in the earthly,
godly has power over earthly and the godly.
lemme explain that clearer jus so i'm not getting wrong message across.
God has power over earth, all in it, the heavens, the physical realm and spiritual realm.
He has The Authority.
i know i know, may seem like elementary stuff i'm sayin... this is jus encouraging for me hear it again. reminder is powerful. and lately... i been needing to hear God is in control. and cuz i been so stingy with the control myself.
hymph...
lastly... we are in the victorious power (WE as God's people, those who accepted Christ as savior and working it out everyday to give HIM the control over life). in me i know there is a conviction that WON'T LET ME GO that there IS something great out there. that something great wants to take place in me, to dwell in me. that there is more to life than jus eating and drinking and having the career of your liking.
i know that conviction. it won't leave me alone.
and thank you God for not leaving me alone. i love that you hound on me. if You didn't love me, you wouldn't bother me.
so with this great victorious power at my side, and i am in it only because of grace, those amazing feats (feets?) that i am called to... i KNOW i can make it.
i have my Father's Love to guide me.
and in Him, only Him, I am protected.
He is my Fortress. (My Light. My salvation.)
I am Grace under Fire.
i am in grace. my Lord is one of eternal light. in this dark world, i get my light to see and guide me from him. He is my source.
He gives me all i need.
tomrrow, next day, next week, all year, the rest of my life i'm goin to tell myself that.
God tells me that.

Surrender. Anyone know, and if you know, can you send me the word surrender in greek or hebrew. like how it looks. a picture. maybe a place i can find it. i would like to know.

peace.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

2006-05-16T15:03:00.000-07:00

Use the alphabet if you've got nothing intelligent to use for title.
Well HELLO.
I'm chilling with the boyz right now.
Finished drawing and help painting a set for them.
They're goin to perform for the neighbors.
And all the neighbor kids are in it!

Wanna know somethin crazy? Some guy tried to steal a guys street bike...
at the house across from us!
Our next door neighbor stopped the bad guys.
It turns out the guys who were trying to steal it lived a few houses down the road!!!
Incredibly s-t-u-p-i-d-.
Crazy world we live in.

This afternoon I was supposed to chill with Daniel but that didn't work out.
Guess we'll meet at Small Groups tonight!!!
We're goin have hotdogs, marshamellellows, 'n snacks.
MIRANDA jus came back from her missions trip!!!
She's goin to tell us all about that tonight.
Oh 'n Kryssi's sis is goin chill with me for tonight too.
She'll join us tonight. She came in from up north!
Be hanging out with Kryssi for the next lil while, thats sweet.

We didn't get to planting yesterday, so I'll help Iona with that todaaaay.

Lately I been watching "The OC". Yoyo got me into watching another one!
First Gilmore girls, now this one. I can't wait to get the 2nd season!
I hated Gilmore girls at first. Everything seemed so negative.
So fast. Now I guess... I'm used to it.

Yoyo is here. She brought me ICE CAP!!!
I will enjoy my icecap:) See ya' lata!

Tickle fight!

2006-05-14T21:08:00.000-07:00

Well tonight I had some tickle fights with Eli and Sasha. The 2 got me when there was three of us, wrestled Sasha to the bunk, and then worked some muscle with Eli. He had sticky hands that wouldn't let go of his mum 'n dads blankets, grabbing on to doors and everything to keep from getting to bed. LOL wow, my stomach was sore from laughing. Both me 'n Eli lost it, we burst out laughing cuz I was dragging him, he was upside down, finally got him into bed! and Eli snorted. Good thing though, Sasha was sound asleep through all our laughing.
Rob and Iona are out. Iona had to speak at a church tonight. Rob is back from his 5 day trip at Juan de Fuca.
Yayyy!!! We're all together again!
Ummm well.. we went to Kamloops this past weekend. Lots-o-fun! We had dinner for Kimmy's grad, went to her grad, took ton of pictures, went to Marion's place to get ready to go out for the night.
The night was pretty good:) We went out dancing and stuff. The floor was dead, just me dancing out there lol. Kimmy, April 'n Gerald joined me. Jessica joined us too when she got there. There was this guy there who was doing some crazy moves! Man.. I was intimidated. I didn't go out on the floor that time. :S haha Anyhow, loved dancing.
After our boogy-ing, we got hungry. It was like 3 in the morning 'n we hit Dennys LOL. Yummm. Hot Chocolate is gooood.
Finally after 4 we got to sleep. Slept til close to noon and got ready.
Todaaaay, umm went to church. Almost didn't go. Was tooo tired in the morning. I just forced myself to get up. In the afternoon I hung out with Merci for mentoring time:) That was AMAZING. I picked her up, we got slurpies 'n went out to Fishtrap. My fellow winged-friends came over again (The geese visited us). This time they had lil WEE ones! Babies that looked like lil fluffs, perched bums and 2 lil feet. SO CUTE. Wanna take one home:( The mamma geese might give me quite the beating though. Ok.. keep the lil ones.
We talked about God as "LIGHT". Something I was encouraged by what Merci said and something that's been on my heart but she had said it so perfectly was the fact that when God shines his light on something ugly (in our life), it's not comfortable at all, we tend to hide or run the other way, but something she said was that His light draws something beautiful out of us. She used a cave analogy. Cave may not be so pretty but when it's light out and season for it, bears come out (and they are beautiful). I thought wow... Yeah, it could only be God who draws something like beauty of what was only ugly.
He takes away selfishness and draws us to a place where our world is not centered around ourselves. Draws us to place God in the middle, in the centers of our hearts, and care about others.
He takes care of our anger, and draws in compassion. Then we have mercy, tenderness, kindness...

The pass lil while it's been really hard. Spiritually. Felt beaten up. Deprived. Thirsty. Hungry. You could probably see that from my last posts. Blah. Just got tired. I needed help.
I realized something. I always knew it, but God really spoke to me that I cannot be spiritually independant. Just like how an island can't be... something all by itself. LOL well, I can't remember that saying but the point is that not any one person can make it all by him or herself. In whatever is coming up soon, the fact that I need help is sticking with me now.
Aright, I'm going to help Iona with planting her plants!

Reminder, we are risen with Him who has beared the cross.
He lives.
We live.

2006-05-11T02:48:00.000-07:00

I love honesty. It's beautiful.
And sincerity. Being sincere.. it's meaningful, heartfelt.. real.

In all my ways God, I want to be sincere.
When something's too difficult, I like the fact that I can be honest about it.

Putting on a mask is tiring. Takes too much work. Drains me.
Putting on a act.. takes too much worthless effort.

And seeking sincerity.. this is my practice. I always remind myself of good thoughts.. and I go "Do I really believe in those for myself.. ?" When I don't, I ask God why. Show me how I can take His truths and make them my own. How can I make it ours, for me and God, and for me and other people.

God knows all. Why try to be a fake.

Under all this, the tip of the iceberg, is the struggle to be obedient.
How can I sincerely be obedient and mean it? With my whole heart, with my whole mind, and all my soul.
I know I can be honest before God.

Even with little strength I have, how can I bring You glory Jesus, with the obedience I have left.

Do people see You? In me... where are the fruits... ?

2006-05-11T02:39:00.000-07:00

"I just don't know how to surrender it to you God...
I don't know anymore."

Always in my mind there's this thought that.. I have to have this formula.
Got to get it right.

I hear again "It's not about you".
I know.
"Depend on me".
How? I feel like I don't know HOW anymore.
How? I just keep taking the wheel.
Why? Sometimes it would seem so much easier to be like a robot.
To be like the angels who see You in ALL Your GLORY.
Dependance.
I don't know how to anymore.

I keep thinking I can do it on my own.
And I think, "I'm a big girl..."
"can do it on my own.........................................."

I feel lonely.
It's fear.
It's guilt.
It's shame.
It's independance,
that keep me from going to someone, to Someone.

2006-05-11T02:26:00.000-07:00

Fear is poison. And I hate that I drink it all the time.

It's SO easy to say "no" to God.
SO easy to scream out my list of excuses saying why I CAN'T do it.

Wide and easy, it's simple. Narrow and difficult path... it's too difficult, too narrow.
That's why it's so easy not to choose it.

This puke-ey feeling comes up in my soul everytime I think I have to always be dealing with something new, something difficult. A challenge that I may not make it over..

In all this scatter and anxiety... a voice...
"list off to Me WHY you CAN do it".

hymph

2006-05-05T14:01:00.000-07:00

thinking of changing backgrounds... for this blog I mean. The title doesn't always show up 'n other lil stuff like that. I like this background though! I don't have the skills to make it any cooler.
Ideas people? I want a funky site. This one's just going.. funky.

Right now I am... waiting 'til 3 to pick up Mercy. Me 'n Yo are chillin at Rob 'n Ionas place. Kryssi was here but she's gone home. Got nothin much doing except for tonight at 9. I be hanging out here as the kids sleep while Rob and Iona go out:)
This morning me 'n Yo got up early to go to Mum's Time Out to look after the kids. It was low-key today. I LOVE THE KIDS! They were just so adorable. I love being part of their life. Right now Isaiah is walking! We got to see him from barely crawling to where now he's running over things! Aww.. want to take him home..
Bailey and Carter were spinning themselves around in the chair.. I want to take them home too.

Tomorrow I may be chilling with Jocelyn! In the morning I may have to drop off Reaco at the church if he can't get a ride. We might also join Yoyo 'n Sammy at the lake too, we'll see. Then in the night I'm helping Rob to man the booths at Northview. It's Global Connnections weekend and Lifeteams 'n YFC have booths that need to be... governed. Looks like we might go out to coffee with Joyce as well...
busy weekend!

Well I'll gallop out of here, Me 'n Yo are off to Walmart.

The day the sun stands still...

2006-05-04T21:52:00.000-07:00

Be courageous. Be strong.
This is the message God had given Joshua when He had elected him to lead Israel into the Promise Land. Through the ages God still speaks these words to us, they have been passed down from generations. Thousands before us have whispered the same prayer "God be with us. Be our courage and our strength".
Jesus declared in his prayers "I trust in you, in You I take refuge".
And the Lord had done great things. He literally let food rain from the sky when needed. He gave water, it ran from rocks as the thirst of His people cried out for it. He empowered one man to defeat an army of a thousand (with an animal bone). He let His beloved son die, as needed.
The Lord lived up to His fame, Faithfulness. He called for His followers to do tasks that were seemingly impossible... they even seemed dumb. His tasks were things that looked foolish in the eyes of all who did not follow Him.
If my Lord can empower a kid, armed with a few rocks and little piece of leather, to win a battle with the biggest and most feared man, armed with a sword and all the armor one can get,
If my Lord can allow the sun to stand still so that His nation can win a battle,
If my Lord can bring His faithful to our reserve that is 3 hours from civilization to share the gospel,
If this power can work that brought Jesus from death and than to life with Him,
If I am risen with Him and in the new life now and forever...
WHY
should I fret.
And sometimes I do.

Remembrance has quite the force to move me out of my own fear, laziness and comfortable place to go to the place in my walk of faith where all I see is what God sees. When I look through His eyes, hear what He is speaking to me, know His wisdom (His wisdom which had created all the heavens, the earth and all in it, sort of billions of peoples lives and say "Piece of cake"...), feel what He feels, walk where He walks, when I am there, I am in His will.
Jesus prayed fervently in Gethsame, alone before God... "Your will and not my own".
Remembering who God is, remembering who He says I am, remembering why i am here is so vital. If I'm missing these.. it's like stepping out the door with no shoes (or with no clothes), stepping into the battlefield with no armor (yet so many times we forget to do this daily..), like driving with no steering wheel, it's meeting dead-ends where we thought we might be going somewhere..
God will grant us the faith we need to walk on water, will give us the love we need tp pray for our persecutors and love our enemies, will work in us the strength we need to be light in the dark vallies and trudge through the difficult.
He has grace for us, mercy toward us, hope layed out for us.. He has the victory over every test, trial, joy in life.
Before He spoke "Light", he had the victory. Before we were made in the wombs, He held the victory. Before Christ died on the cross, He held victory. After Christ, it hadn't changed.
He holds the past, present and future in His hands. Everything is held together by Him, creation and our lives. Because this is so, we have every assurance that "everything's okay", everythings in control. Let confidence and boldness be your staff in being still or moving in the direction the Holy Spirit leads.

The burden of failure, let this not be a worry.
God always seems to patch up our messy jobs, He weaves something good always seems to come out of what's gone bad.
You won't be loved more the more you do.
You won't be loved less for the less you do.
You are loved the same in all you do.
God is proud of you.

Let His strength in you, His courage in you hold up the victory.

Little reminder...

2006-05-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

Hi friends,
It's been a little while. I haven't had any computer or internet to keep you guys updated so here is my past few weeks...
We had our exams,
3 of us graduated from college,
me 'n Yo moved out of our apartment,
I moved into Rob's and Iona's house and Yoyo moved into Mary and Randys',
and
I'm looking after Rob 'n Iona's boys this month and the next.

I'll say more about the stuff laters, I don't got too much time...

Last night, I didn't have a very good sleep. It was restless and.. a lil disturbing.
Took me forever to fall asleep, my mind was racing with all these things, I couldn't find myself comfy enough (even though I have an amazingly comfy bed.. one of clouds and softness.. maybe because my body ached), 'n I had some weird dreams that were disturbing. But it caused me to REALLY pray so..
Hmm..
Yesterday I went on a lil hiking trip with Lifeteams close to Chilliwack, that was fun! At least after I puked. I was going along, had no energy, felt light-headed and then I puked. After that everything was fine! I then had all the energy in the world. Sort of.
Lately I just been seeing God's order, His design, in everything. He gave us all these wonderful things to take joy in. Enjoy nature, enjoy others, enjoy our coffee, begals, chocolate... yesterday I saw Eli, Rob's lil boy, enjoy the simplest thing of trying to catch the hailstones that came down on us as we were heading back to the van.
I heard God say "Take joy, Jo, in what is before you"...
"You're surrounded by beauty, my creation, by people who are working out their salvation as you are... in all this you are surrounded by my love. I am holding up creation, my hand will not leave it, holding up this earth filled with 'beloved' souls, I haven't abandoned them, I am holding you up, I will not leave you".
I been feeling like I need the assurance of something to depend on, something that'll be there for me to fall back on. I KNOW that God is always there, I know. God doesn't get frustrated with me to tell me again and again that He is it. "Everything is going to be okay", so take joy.

Until next time,
remember...
"You are in the hands of grace".

My clock loves 4:20

2006-04-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

At least 10 times within the past month that I have looked at the clock, the digits had displayed "4:20" exactly. It's almost scary.
As most of you know, these digits are notoriously known for the "Drug Celebration". It's that time of the year, in the 4th month, the 20th day at 4:20 to smoke a doobie. For those who do drugs anyway.
After seeing 4:20 SOOO much, and noticing that any time between 4-5pm (or in the a.m.) that I was subtracting or adding time so that it equalled 4:20 ("Oh it's 10 minutes to 4:20", it's not like "10 after 4"), I got really annoyed about this. I started to wonder about this 4:20 a lot and find out the details about it. I decided I would do some research about this, um, 'popular event'...
You can find out most of the stuff on Urban Legends Reference page, they pretty well sum up the FAQ's about it. Haha yeah, I'm not goin to put all of that info on here. Might just be another boring blurb about something all you guys might already know.
Somethin funny though, I found it amusing that somewhere in trying to figure out what this 4:20 stuff was all about that these numbers have a "dark side". Hitler was born on 20 April 1889, and the massacre of 13 victims at Columbine High School in Colorado took place on 20 April 1999. I feel sorry for those born on 20th of April. Some peop's might pick out something that is 'wrong' with 4:20 babies and associate it with 'the dark side'. Wooooo.

Anywho, 'nuff bout that... what's been up? Soooo so so so many things. Yo is bugging me. Billy just got back from his 4 day hiking trip at Stein Valley. The other half of our family is comin out here, along with Jacky, for our grad this weekend. The end has finally come!
As for now, a lot of things are up in the air about my future for summer and September. Exciting options though. It's goin to be SO weird to not be here in September. I'm anticipating Cheryl to be with me in September in Williams Lake. She may go to Kamloops. I hope she'll be able to stay with me, she's an amazing gal.

My summer
~be home in Nemiah
~possibly work at Elkins Creek Guest Ranch
~find any job within the valley
~work at a camp...
~chill out with Tim Wade and see what plans could look like for working at YFC in the Puddle
~chill out with James and church and see what plans could look like for me working at the sweet church
~chill out in Nemiah and see what plans could look like for me working with youth in the valley and also Williams Lake
~chill out with Linda at HER ranch and see what plans could be for me maybe working with her or bringing youth to her ranch
~go on few road trips (to Abby and go with girls to Creation Fest, visit peop's)
~paint Yoyo 'n me's bedroom
~hopefully go on horseback riding trips
~go dirtbiking/quading
~a WHOLE LOT of camping
~a week with Lifeteams in August again! They'll come out most likely to Nemiah.
~visit Krissy in Dawson
~missions trip?
~look for home in Williams Lake?
~ who knows what else Lord may stir up!

September...
~possibly with YFC
~most likely working with schools... hopefully
~working with girls
~something in worship at church
~work closely with my Nemiah clan
~go reserve to reserve... meet peoples
~plan events... outdoor trips, missions
~dance!
~who knows what else Lord may stir up!

Wow, I have to definately be listening closely to God for this. I always do I know, it's just.. this future coming quickly is going to be tough. I'm excited and nervous at the same time:)
The Lord has lived up to His fame (Faithfulness), especially in my own life. I just got to remind myself of all the grace he's been blessing me with.
Prayer, prayer is my bestfriend.
Love centers my heart.
Wisdom guides me.
Grace keeps me.
Hope leads me.
Forgiveness lifts me.
Weakness leaning into Spirit.
Lord's will is my life... at least continue to make it my life.
Lord is glorifyed.

This is my surrender.
Truth and the Spirit are my wings.
Vulnerability and Availability are also my wings.

I am just so glad, forever greatful, that of all the places, Lord guided 2 of his children, John and Tracey, to Nemiah, they befriended us, loved us and shared with us the truth that set them free. I, too, then was set free.
The heartache of wandering around lost... I didn't have be in that life anymore.
I've gone from a valley with one little cute Catholic church and a handful of Christians to a place known as the Bible Belt, Abbotsford.
I think there's something significant in that. I've been able to see the 'beauty' of different people, different beliefs, different takes on life... so much variety.
I've grown so much.
Now more refined, I go back to Nemiah and... well, God'll surely show me what He wants to do.
Healing is definately a road I'm called to walk with others.
Reveal the healing that took place in my life. To share what's been so freely given to me.
Hmm... :)

Goodnight lovelys, see you tomorrow in another beautiful day.

His waters run.

2006-04-19T13:33:00.000-07:00

The theme of my weekend at Eagles Rest retreat...
"Be still."
-Psalm 46.10-
God has told me "Quit moving around Jo."
Because for too long I been trying to be everywhere at once. Been spreading myself too thin, I haven't kept myself in my own container. My cup has been filling up, but it's been spilling out all the while I'm running to and from.

The week before the retreat God's been bringing up the power of resurrection. The fact that Jesus had risen up, when in all the world this was "impossible". Jesus did it.
Because of this we have life,
we have power as Overcomers,
we have strength in will of God
to do even more greater things than Jesus had done,
freedom from sin,
reason for living, hope for living...
All because of the resurrection!

"...and know that I am God."
God said:
"...I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
.This power we know is mysteriously at work in this fallen world. His Holy Spirit comes as water and pours down on us like rain and snow... making everything flourish. Making gardens in our lives that seem like wastelands, bringing streams to our parched lives that are like deserts.

This has been the revelation that my soul has been taking rest in.
To be at peace (I've asked for it).
Rest.
Lie still and calm myself in His presence.
To let His waters run over me.

Pickles. No, cottage cheese!

2006-04-18T15:06:00.000-07:00

Hello. I am slacking. I am a procrastinator. I have completed my exams. Not sure how I did. We will see. Now... I have papers to hand in before end of the week. I wish they could write themselves but they can't. I am going home now. I want to eat. I'll jam for a little bit. Come back. Write more about why I chose cottage cheese over pickles. Well.. they are the same thing, but o'well. I had an amazing weekend at Eagles Rest, tell you more later. I just want to type something for the fun of it. And maybe because I am bored. Shoot... I got to call my small group girls.

Our kids

2006-04-12T23:29:00.000-07:00

Our trip back in Feb ('06), jus thought I would put up some pic's:) I think you can click on the pictures...
Acquire the Fire's youth conference in Tacoma, Washington!
.

Our youth group, GRiTS...

34 of us crammed into 6 vans

(not sure if all of us are here in the pic...)

Getting our stuff from stuffy vans to spacey rooms.

Sort of spacey, 7 to 8 girls in a room! That's tight.

Left: Ashleigh, Stasia, Reaco, Barbara 'n Aaron. We're waiting for the night to begin!
Right: Dan, Kaylene, Cam 'n Yoyo in the back. Still waiting.

Surprised all of us were awake at all during the conference.

Conference was encouraging the youth to stay strong in the battle.

Jeremy Camp was there along with Pillar, SwitchFoot and Grits.

On 5 hours of sleep. When there's a room full of girls, you don't sleep.

And it was cold in there!

....

Hey, Rocky and Bullwinkle highly recommend

that you go to ATF's conference next year!

Going beZerk!

2006-04-11T17:56:00.000-07:00

I could NOT keep still the night before. I was incredibly restless, I don't understand this. I am so annoyed of this. I need help(!).
Hymph, within the past few years, well... as long as I can remember, I've been wrestling with this restless spirit in me. It just continues to "haunt" me (Yes, I am going to the extremes about this restlessness. It haunts me.). Blah. I still got a bit of strength to keep wrestling, it's wearing thin though.
Sometimes I pray (about it), mostly I'm 'neck-deep' in thought. Sometimes I scream about it. I don't yell my head off, don't worry about that. I just let out my squeel. I pull my hair. And I pace. That's the extremes of this.. disease.
Mild case of restlessness: flip through books to occupy my mind, make phone calls, put on my tunes and sing along and praise.. praise my Lord. And I ask Him, "Why, do you suppose I have this restlessness rustling about in me Lord?" And I haven't been patient enough to listen to an answer.
One of the last things I resort to in regards to steering this energy somewhere: homework. I've suffered for this. Still working on getting in last minute assignments. I've got to. We have our GRITS youth retreat to go to this weekend @ Eagles Rest (close to Mission). That will be my treat:) Before than I'll chug along, hand in my stuff:P
Ummm but that was last night! I found a bit of a cure. I got my black paper and pastels. It's soothing for me to pour these emotions unto paper. Calms me down.
Also writing. My thoughts spill out on to the pages of my journal. And stay there. Ha.
If I'm still restless, I read what I have journalled before. Capturing the feeling of where I was at before (state of peace), the power of reminder washes over me, and well I'm blanketed in peace once again.
Walks are soothing. Allows me to take this restlessness and walk it out. Fishtrap Creek is my place of adventure. Just yesterday a few geese visited me as I was looking out on the pond from the bench. They left droppings. Thanks. I took my camera along, eventually you will see my 'winged friends'. Squirrels also hopped around the streets. Felt like they were following me. Stalkers. I went across a bridge and birds sang. I imagined myself surrounded by God's choir... their song still resonates in me.
Being out in nature, God's creation, allows me to see their worship (the animals, trees, grass, leaves, dirt, rock... everything) and then I go back to college and my youth group, I also see the worship of God's children (through friendship, guitar playing, homework duties, teaching, song... everything).
Talking. Is another thing. Yoyo thank you so much for being my krutch in times I need it most. You don't know what you do for me. I love you:)
Movies help sometimes. Sleep does too:)

So eventually I dozed off. One of those things where you're squirming around in bed, trying to find a comfyness (but can't), before you know it you've slept and just open your eyes to alarm buzzing. Sleep, I beckon you to attack me at appropriate times, like 11 at night, NOT during times I'm supposed to do my homework!

Anyhow, after hitting the snooze button a lot of times, I peered out my window, and there, the sky was blue, no clouds lurking on the mountains! It felt like it was goin to be a beautiful day, I wore my skirt:)
And IT WAS a beautiful day. I’ve gone from a bezerk night to a rather pleasant day!
God spoke to me, that's always a +plus.
I was in the library, weeding through the aisles until I found a good book. My eyes caught the title "Scribbling in the Sand: Christ & Creativity", I take it out and skim the pages, "Yep, look like it'll be a good book".

Lately, my struggle's been focusing, especially in the art of living. Art of expressing the beauty of my relationship with God, art of expressing what God has revealled to me. I find that I been stuttering in my performance (of life), as my mind is scattered sometimes or I care too much of what others would think of my performance (When I feel strongly that God is calling me to somethin, I first worry about what people's thoughts would be). I been increasingly frustrated with this, sometimes I imagine even God as a harsh judge on my performance.
I was really interested in what Michael Card had to say about voices that bambarded him before he would begin to write a song. He listed his voices, these are mine:
"You can do it right the first time, if you can't do that, than what CAN you do?"
"If you can't do exactly what God imagines this art work to come out like, if you can't hit the bulls eye, what's the use?"
"Why even try? You can't weave beauty into your work of art from your scattered thoughts... you should get everything 'down pat' before trying anything"
"No one will care about what you're doing, it won't effect them"
"This job/idea/task is too big for you"
"Can you really hear God's voice and direction in this?"
"Look at your past failures..."

Michael would shift his focus. All these words have one thing in common: "you".
Creativity is not about me, not about you.
"Creative worship is one appropriate response to the heartbreaking beauty of God".
I've been learning always that in my worship to the Lord in all areas of my life, my worship is my response to him. I respond by writing song, writing poems, stories (as I been able to do sometimes on here), dance, everything.
Michael drew the picture of God's beauty so well. Beauty of breath-taking scenery around us. I saw that beauty at Fishtrap, on hiking trips, my home, the person on the computer beside me. Beautiful.
Beautiful, is a trait of God. With all my heart I feel God speaking so strongly to me through beauty. I identify it well. Each of us do. How I have loved watching others express creatively what God speaks to them. I see it everyday.
I am hungry for beauty of the Lord. I am really hungering for God.
In my worship to God, He doesn't want my 'left-over' praise, my 'left-over' work.
Because of EVERYTHING that God's done FOR ME, more than I really know, I desire to give thanks by doing my all to God. There are times I been lacking in this abounding joy to serve the Lord with all my heart, mind and soul. Especially the mind. So I'm thankful to see that as I stare at beauty of the Lord in all He's done, His detail of love... I will give back all the more. My focus is on the Lord, when I eventually find that I've lost myself in the expression of art, this creativity, my worship to the Lord... focus is no longer on me. Past is no matter in that failures are far from me as west is from east. God's not the harsh judge, His Grace overspills into my life. Peace washes over me because I know God is patient, I don't have to have the right formula to creative worship.
I smile in amusement today because God has spoken to me again through Psalms class of his beauty. Our praise to the Lord, our expression of love...
I walked out of the library, the sun still shining and I felt... beautiful. I felt lifted, released, free, hopeful, loved, loving, I understood.
About that restless spirit... I've thought on it and I've noticed that... this beauty of the Lord spills over into my life, it's then I feel so much (I hate this word, but only one I can think of) "potential", I feel so much strength in me even if I "fail", so much of everything that is Good and I want to tell the world.
I think that is a natural response that is to come out of this, as freely has been given to me, God desires me to give to others. I am to tell the world.
I remember one time as I was pondering on this restlessness, I stopped whatever I was doing and said to God "I think you want me to share the gospel".
So if I've lost you in my babbling, restlessness a.k.a. itch to share the glory of life Jesus has to offer.
Why should I keep this all to myself?
'Cuz really, I'm not meant to.

In a perfect world...

2006-04-08T15:28:00.000-07:00

If this were a perfect world...

12.All would know, experience & live true love

11. Boring information needed to pass a grade or get a diploma could be downloaded into your head, as simple as plugging a memory chip or cord into head... eww maybe letting words written on book soak into head by simply placing the book on your head
10. Dog owners would not kiss their pets on the mouth
9. no such things as cavities
8. excessive amounts of sugar (aka chocolate, sweets) would be healthy
7. toilet seats would be heated
6. you wouldn't bite on your tongue
5. farts would not stink, maybe smell like flowers
4. no pain in the world
3. Slow cars would keep OFF the fast lane
2. Humans care about lives rather than making profit off of things, which if consumed excessively causes death (aka, away with smoking, alcohol, etc),
1. Guys would be able "read" girls (and girls understand the guys)

*this is not in any particular order...

This is not a perfect world. It's true. O'well. We got to deal with what we got. Sometimes I look at our fallen world and... I am SO overwhelmed. I'm like "God, get me out of here". And there are even times I tell God "I am glad, glad I am here and the biggest load off my back is, I'm not alone".

Hymph, "Now God, about those slow drivers in the fast lanes..."

Jammin'

2006-04-07T23:56:00.000-07:00

Exams are next week, I'm up to my neck in homework and jamming to DC TALK. Yep it's their tunes from the 90's lol. Brings back memories. I remember being proud that our dad would let us play this "rap" music in the truck. Haha.
Today, today, me 'n Yoyo babysat this morning. We start at 9am. We WOKE UP at 9am! =S What a way to impress Melissa. Man, I jus wanted to choke myself. I jumped up from the couch (I fell asleep during a movie, Billy, Yo 'n I were watching Narnia), washed my racoon eyes, quickly brushed my teeth and we bolted out the door.
Wow, was it a busy morning. I, at FEW TIMES, had 4 babies to handle by myself. One, Tristan, in the sitter thing, next to him is Julia crying on her stomach, my left arm is carrying Mitchell who's getting restless and the 4th one is Isaiah who is crying for my attention, so I pick him up. Whoo! We had 11 kids today, 6 babies 'n 5 older ones who could run around by themself (some of them would forget the babies are there and run them over). There's usually 3 of us on duty to babysit. Yoyo, Janelle & myself.
If patience is on your list as a discipline you want to conquer, babysit the youngians.

Here's a pic of Hattie-loo,

and lil precious Jayell.

We went to Victoria to see the baby.

In the back is Hattie's mum, Tracey and sis Kaleena.So cute, I could eat her.

The nite is almost over, I got to keep this short. Ladies, I been meaning to call. As Meag's has said before, it's not because my love is fading for you guys. I LOVE YOU GUYS!
I jus got to umm let the chaos die down. But I need to talk to you guys.

Breaking through!

2006-04-06T10:51:00.000-07:00

When it comes to facing fears, breaking out of a mold, opening up in vulnerability or anything where I would be risking being "wrong" or "weird", I'm a big chicken.
As a pioneer, I guess these challenges is what I'll continue to face in my faith. Yeah, many people have been speaking into my life about spiritual pioneering. Blazing new trails. Going where no one has gone before. God's fame (Faithfulness) has never once left me abandoned. In dreams he's been giving me, he says "I'm here". In this crazy call on my life I have had times where I had to be vulnerable and step out on the limb of faith.. sometimes it would be "too crazy" and I'd wimp out.
"Thank you God for your patience and mercy!"
Within these past months though I've held unto my hopes and fought my way through my own barriers and challenges and... it's released me. I've recongized the freedom over me that comes with trusting God in His word that He is with me and will be my strength.
I've also begun to see that whenever I have had a breakthrough, it's rippled to my relationships with others.
Their lives are being changed too.
I become more aware of His presence, breath of peace comes over me... God's making it clear in my own life the fact that everytime I make a choice it's either His road, or satan's road. The narrow or easy, the path of light or darkness...
I know everytime I have wimped out, I've felt deprived and felt I jipped myself out on blessings.
That feeling sucks. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by these feelings, it adds to my haunting history of failures. These failures taunt me, speaking some little truth that I can't make it on my own. I know I can't venture land God's promised me without listening for God and waiting for Him to tell me that "He has delivered it (the land) into my hands" (From book of Joshua), and then I can go out and conquer.
The whole concept of waiting and acting when God tells me has been my obedience practices lately as well.
The overwhelming sadness that comes from failure doesn't always take the whole of me. As of lately, I been mostly giving it to God, laying it before the cross, exchanging my fears for courage, exchanging lies for life-giving truths.
Exchanging what little I have for something that is better. And what God has is always better.
Sometimes I have to reflect on past encouragements to remind me of God's grace that I stand in and His will over my life to walk (even crawl) on path He's layed out for me.
Joy. This has been my strength in chasing after God.
Yep, it is good.

holding breath!

2006-04-04T23:58:00.000-07:00

poo!
on you.
haha!
funniest thing in the intergalactic galaxy of the universe around the sun:P

whew, lame.
I have a minute to write. before compute lab closes.
Thot I would let you know I'm still alive and kicking.
Kicking a lot. Whipping darkness' butt, "I win!", more than a conquererererererrrrr-rrrr.
Umm, not so busy busy day. Sunset was beautiful! On one side of sky was the sun had set and had beautiful peachy colors. The other, stars glistening and moon half exposed. On 3rd side, clouds that really looked like waves, WAVES, washing in:)
Ummm, went on walk with the beautiful Iona Snair. Yea, we went through cute lil neighborhood area- "God's been doing this", went through FishTrap (oh no! guy is here to shut down lab! write fast!), went thru Fish Trap- "Thank God for this..."

I should be in bed. I'm not. I'll jus go home, chill with Yoyo. Have some Iced Tea. Talk. Laugh.
And I have to go:)
Adios 'migos!

Really disliking the "box".

2006-04-02T18:59:00.000-07:00

Praise Him for His mighty deeds;

Praise Him with the trumpet sound.

Praise Him with dancing.

Psalm 150: 2-4

WORSHIP. A few months ago I was pretty frustrated. Still am.
Frustrated with the 'box' idea, that when I figure out something I put it all in a box and say "that's how it is, that's the bottom line". In this world today, worship is put into a box. Well, everything is put into a box. When I say 'worship', it's not the little word. I mean the BIG word
'W-O-R-S-H-I-P'. This 'word' that is our WHOLE LIVES, in our being and doing for God- the doing of dishes, jobs, careers, raising children, dancing, praying, relationships/ friendships, driving, schooling, singing, music, etc. I specifically put singing and music LAST because this is not the definition of worship at all.. it is part of it but definately not the whole of it.
Worship is a word made to be about music and songs we sing every Sunday or at youth nights, any kind of get togethers. lol there have been a lot of times when I've wanted to go to the highest mountain-top and scream "Worship IS NOT! about music and songs, IT IS LIFE!"
Calm down, Jo.
I've been tryin to work on calling our time of singing praises to God simply singing (and maybe dancing) praises to God. Though sometimes the word worship just comes out and I'm like "dope!"
This is not bad to identify singing soley as worship, I know, keep your claws in people:)
In my own life my eyes just been opened to the conditioning of the world and what am I doing to change it and make it more meaningful?
Maybe next time I do the dishes I would instead inform anyone asking me what I'm about to do with "I'm going to worship!"
Hmmm....
Maybe.
I just think I would personally want to get out of the box, out of the norm, and move towards.. in all my being, doing, words, and actions that I am hitting the 'bulls eye'. Saying what I'm doing and doing what I'm saying. Hymph.. dunno how to explain that clearer.
Do you get me?
Clear as mud.
Maybe a lil foggy..
Meh, just a personal hope of mine, that in this rising generation and the future one's coming (in church and out of church) the word 'worship' automatically has more meaning to it than thoughts of singing and music alone.

Anyhow I love dance. In my own church I'm discerning my attack. My attack is to break out in dance. lol... yeeeah. This kunfu is strong I know it. I have 2 peop's enlisted, my brave soldiers with me are Shailey and Reaco:)
Oh wow, how I just want to dance and break out in song.
Guys, I just been bubbling over with joy. Oh how I love Love and love and love aldjsldjsdlddkldk.
This here--->aladjfsdjfsldk, is my speaking in tongues.
You might not understand it. God does.
Anyhow, JOY be to you!

In this I find truth, in it I know there's life.

2006-03-31T23:33:00.000-08:00

In the gospel. In the message Jesus was born to give us. The freedom of the new life, it's real. This life is eternal and Jesus died that we may have it.
A life was transformed, some 50 years ago. If you would have witnessed his life before he asked Jesus into his life, it'd be one you'd see of death, hopelessness, so dark you would wonder if there is anything so dark. He moved from a home where he was unloved, broken, angered, and hated to the streets of New York where time and hatred birthed a boy who led street gangs. He was the most feared. He feared no one. But himself. He hated himself. Hatred was his wings that took him to valleys of death.
This man was Nicky Cruz. This life was deprived and saddening. And Nicky new it. This is the only life he knew.
In another life, one 8 hours away from New York, in the country side was a man named David. He was a preacher. He knew Jesus. He knew the transforming, hope-giving power. He replaced his habit, tv-watching for praying. 3-4 hours a night he met the Lord face to face in prayer. One night, one night that changed his life was a message he received to go to streets of New York and transform the lives of the gangs. David was petrified! He's just a country preacher, a small town hick who knew nothing, no experience, not anything of gang life. Still God told him to go. He obeyed.
He trusted God would show him something that they may relate or find common ground with each other. And he did. David made mistakes, David made good decisions. But that's it. God used even mistakes of this limited human to bring glory to Himself. David didn't find favor in eyes of policemen. The gangs definately were not favored in eyes of the police department. David was just another prick, another hassle and pebble in the shoe. The gangs were the trouble in the city, they were pricks, hasslers and boulders in the shoe. Common ground. This was David's ticket in to the gang's acceptance of him. If you were hated by police you were automatically liked in the gangs.
Now Nicky, ran into David at one of David's street corner preaching. The message David relayed to the gangs spoke to the leaders. David called gang leaders forward, the leaders knelt and accepted the message of Jesus. Nicky and his friend and other leader Israel were called forward. They went up. David shared, Nicky spat on his face and threatened to kill the preacher. Yet David didn't hold back or shribble up in taunts of intimidation. He shared the message of love. Nicky didn't like that. He hated it. Hated David and everything he stood for. Love was what he lacked. Love was something Nicki saw as weak, vulnerable and stupid. Yet.. the deepest part of Nicky yearned for healing.
This message of healing was like waves breaking into the lives of the gang leaders around him, they were being swept away by this love message. All of them but Nicky.
This was something that Nicky hated. He didn't want to stand alone. David was a threat to others. A threat to him. His heart hardened more.
Again and again, David popped up and tried to share this message, Nicky turned away.
In the end, Nicky's friend Israel convinced him to go to a rally that the preacher put up. Nicky brought 75 of his friends as a 'back up', his protection against David lol.
David showed love and trust and hope for Nicky. This continued to chip away at the walls that Nicky so frantically put up. Waves of this message of new life worked on him and Nicky's walls gave way. The Spirit of this message washed in upon Nicky's soul. This healing water drenched every part of his life, to the deepest core of him. This transformation came to his loneliness and instead he began to feel 'whole', complete, loved. This message came up against Nicky's fears, came up against his past, his past that was broken. His past where his own family hated him and spoke death words to him. This message replaced those death words and darkness with exhilerating life!
He accepted Jesus. His life was released and so Nicky went out and shared this message of how Jesus invaded his life and changed him.
The policemen couldn't believe it. All gangs of New York couldn't believe it. His OWN gang didn't believe it. No one. They say "oh you'll come back in two weeks". It's been 40 years or so and Nicky said that they are still waiting for his return! lol.
This man Nicky, I've read his book. This man David, I read his too.
Tonight, I saw Nicky face to face! Here in Abbotsford at the Abbotsford Pentecostal Assembly church he spoke the same message that had taken over his life.
Amazing testimony. Amazing witness of a life dramatically changed. This life has been one that has made an impact on my life signicantly. In lifeteams was when I ran across the book and then it just kind of spiralled to be a part of my life. I feel this will be something that will help me with big plans for the future! Yeah... this life-story seemed the darkest and most severe case of hopelessness and well, he stood before me and 3000 others and declared the gospel. You can find him at http://nickycruz.org
Also he is involved with Teen Challenge http://bcteenchallenge.com
Teen Challenge is a program aimed for those stuck in alcoholism, drugs, and those living on the streets. Helps them to get out of it. Check it out!

Git-R-Done Fer GOD

2006-03-28T15:20:00.000-08:00

Hehe. That's from my Hermeneutics class this morning. She always starts the class with funny pictures or jokes. It's kinda nice:) I like our professor, Jennifer.
In regards to gittin' it done that pic is my buddy and amazing co-small-groupie leader MIRANDA! We have small groups with the girls tonight. We have it at Miranda's house, Yoyo is invading the apartment with her small group soooo we are chillin on Miranda's farm! I like her farm.
Mostly we been just having low-key activities for the girls.. sort of. The other week Miranda's mum drove us gals across the border to Bellingham's mall Bellis Fair. Before we let the girls loose in the mall we went to McDonalds, had tons of Dip'nDots (especially Julia). Then we went to the mall. I bought some sweet socks with Miranda (we both paid half for designer socks and we share socks! There was 5 pairs altogether, we picked 2 our favorite out of bunch and the last pair, she took one, I took the other half. It's only fair to get equal amount huh?), we got free balloons from friendly policemen, Julia and Steph attacked us with silly string, and we went to... MC'D's AGAIN!
S'more Dip'nDots. Julia got even more:S
I like Chocolate Mint Dots. You might want to try it, this icecream first freezes to your tastebuds and then melt.
Last week I had to bail on my group. Had a lovely 10 page paper to do for Adolescent Pysch. Still working on it, got to git that done. But Miranda did hang out with the girls who still wanted to do something with the group, and they hung out at 'Ethical Addictions'.

And tonight...
we be meetin at 'the Farm' (Mirandas) and talking about the Holy Spirit~
I'm so excited. I'm nervous.

Holy Spirit has been on my heart past few days.
The Holy Spirit's power at work in the world today,
lives being changed by Baptism of the Holy Spirit.
Why would Jesus care to send the Holy Spirit into the world? Why bother "leaving" heavenly realms to come down to this broken world?
How powerful is this force? Has it entered my life? How do I know? Who is the Holy Spirit? What is this baptism it brings?
All these questions will be addressed.

Acts 1:4-5,8
On one occasion, while he was eating with them, he gave them this command: "Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about. For John baptized with water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit."
But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

John 14:26-27
But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Acts 2:4
All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.

Wow. Ack. Eek. Hallelujah!
When the Holy Spirit moves in me, all these emotions just come over and I want to scream, laugh, cry, yell, preach, dance, jump, ALL at the same time.
I pray that tonight the Holy Spirit will move in the hearts of His beloved's, His daughters.
Wow... I love... I just love. Love these girls. Love my Lord. I love.. this life.

Seasons of the Soul

2006-03-24T14:55:00.000-08:00

"Seasons of the Soul"

Painter: Rasoulli

SiziKri, I am learning to trust you more. Everyday you find a way to make me fall in love with you. How merciful you are, Your hand extends out to me.

In seeking...

2006-03-21T20:27:00.000-08:00

I am searching your presence.
Sometimes Lord you know when I am searching you with all my heart,
I am really searching, really seeking after your presence.
There are times I search you, but not really wanting to find you.
In some way I am looking for a darkness in you,
a place I can hide, even from within you.
I don't want all of myself to be made seen to your eyes,
times I wish I could hide myself.
But this is a lie.
I know it.
And so I grasp all of your Light.
For in your presence nothing is hidden.
Your light reveals, breaks down my walls of pride,
Your light reveals the idols that take place upon the alter of my heart.
Your light invades, I cannot control it, You throw off the idols and take the place of my heart that was yours since I've given my life to you.
In my surrender you're taking all control,
into your hands I commit my spirit...

And I dance! In this Holy Place...
Your dwelling is in me, so I rejoice.
The holds of darkness on my life, they've released me!
I am free...
Stepping into the Light, understanding had poured upon me.
I am free...
Through my temple, I'm cleansed of bitter evil.
I am free...
No more shackles,
I lift my hands to praise,
No more shackles,
I lift my feet to dance,
No more shackles,
I lift my soul as a sacrifice before the Lord Most Holy-
welling up from deep within me
is joyous sound- my song, my speech, cries and laughter,
it goes out to Him who takes my prayers as burnt incense.

My heart has returned to worship,
My life has returned to kneeling before the Throne,
the Lord, my King, is my Strength, my salvation,
and my Light in which I walk.

To Christs' Glory,

It's a mystery.

2006-03-15T23:05:00.000-08:00

The Holy Spirit's work is a mystery. I just cannot wrap my mind around it. A lot of times I think I try to see if there is a strategy or the right steps or something, anything to figure out the plans of God. The plan He has willed in my own life.. everyday I think about it. God is always on my mind.
Sometimes I try to find Him anywhere I can, any evidence at all, I'll look for it. In a face, man-made buildings, nature of course, always the skies...
And there's always a knowing in me, a deep conviction burning within me-
Something more. Something greater.
'Pursue God. You'll never regret it.'
The sense of this is in all of me, the core of who I am.

From book "Cross and Switchblade"
"Paul," said Pastor Berg, "there's good news. You have just been elected Treasurer of Teen-Age Evangelism. David Wilkerson is your director in this fight for young people. And you'll be glad you have a budget for $20,000 for the first year".
Paul asked, "Who is David Wilkerson, who's got the books, and where is the money?"
"Paul", said Berg, "we have no books, we have no money, and Dave Wilkerson is a preacher from the hills of Pennsylvania who believes he belongs in New York".
Paul laughed. "You make it sound naive", he said.
"We are naive, Paul", said Pastor Berg. "Just about as naive as David was when he stepped up to Goliath with nothing but a sling, a pebble... and the conviction that he was on God's side".

And there is, there is a deep conviction that I am on God's side.
All I have is weakness. Have nothing. Just pebbles. And a sling.
A heart willing to worship my Savior with my life.

All He says is listen.
W a i t .
Set myself down, quiet my soul and voices that don't seem to stop chattering in my head, I try to quiet them too.
Wait when He says wait, Go when He says go.
And it's weird, peace is a Spirit God's been laying in me- about EVERYTHING.
Peace about waiting, peace about going- everything.
lol think a few times I got to the point where I questioned this peace- I've tuned into God, "Should I be THIS PEACEFUL about this? About that?"
Yep.
"Is there such thing as too much peace?"
God says nope.
Just enjoy it.
So I do.

Things have been happening, been stirring here.
I have been waiting, praying, wrestling, listening and He actually talks to me ("Duh Jo").
In that... I'm just at a place of awe. Astoundment. Excitement.
I'm holding my breath. Much like holding my breath on a roller coaster. The coach is inching up and up until we peak, we're at the highest point of the ride, my breath is held. There's a silence, the quick pause, and my hands are clenching on to the handlebars, and then the coach goes down.
I know it will be good.

Yo's kicking me around

2006-03-14T11:52:00.000-08:00

I fell over again. This time it was because of Yo. I just got back from class, Yo was still sleeping, I had some breakfast and came in the room to rest. I couldn't really nap anymore so urges to bug Yo took over me. Yeaaaah, it's so much bugging Yo! Especially when she's sleepy. Bugging anyone when they're sleepy is fun lol (don't you miss us Josh?). My first attempt to attack Yo ended in me running, Yo grabbed my leg and I squirmed off the bed. I HATE it when Yo tickles me. She always wins! She gets vicious on me and never stops 'til you're so close to peeping your pants (a.k.a pee-ing). Anyway, I attacked her again and then I ran away. Just as I was about to run Yo kicked me on my side. I thought I had my balance pretty good, continued to run, stumbled over a bag that was at my feet and I just... flopped.
That came totally unexpected. One of my socks almost flew off (literally). LOL, it's been a few days since I laughed so hard. My stomach hurt. Tears poured down my face and I laughed even more. Catch my breath, laugh s'more.
Yo felt really bad, she said she didn't mean to kick me as hard as she did. But she laughed with me too.
So funny. This is the norm for me 'n Yoey's relationship. Pick on each other up, laugh (tends to be more laughing AT me), talk about everything and tripping on things. Next time she'll have to watch for my kunfu.

...

Did I mention that my family is out here in Abby?
They are here. School and work is out for Spring Break back home so they are here for the week! We been jus chillin, shopping, bugging each other, went to the carnival in town etc etc etc. I went on rides with Trev and convinced him to go on 2 that he was afraid of. He still has to warm up to the 'Ring of Fire'.. after going on he said he wasn't that afraid. Whatever Trev. And this past Sunday we went to Randy 'n Marys after church and we celebrated Billy's Birthday,
HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY BJ!
He still doesn't know what he wants for his birthday present.
Yesterday, mum, Trevy, Reaco 'n I went to the wAvE pool. $1 admission. Best part of going there- steamroom. The smell of cedar/vapor rub in the air, mmm makes me want to sleep.
I came out of there SO relaxed.
Ummm..
Oh! Few days ago we got to see Annie and Wayne! They were coming from Vancouver and dropped by Abby to see us. That's good. Or else Annie would never hear the end of it;) Albert, Gailene and Alicia were with them too. We went to RED ROBINS and caught up with each other.

...

But right now I'm heading off to the Hill Haven, Lifeteams house. Jimmy and Laura are visiting today so I'm goin to see them! Laura was back home in England past few months and here for a lil while!
And tonight...
us gals (GRITS Small Groupies) are going across the border to get some Dip 'n Dots and cruise through Belis Fair. Hopefully we're allowed back into Canada.

Lament

2006-03-13T18:39:00.000-08:00

We are familiar with crying out to God. The Israelites reached out to His Faithfulness in times of need, whether in sickness, affliction, slander, war, or some other crisis. We, too, know this cry. The cry of our soul, the Lord knows it. He's the only One who can hear it, really. Our heart, it speaks a language, the One the Lord has weaved into us, only He can understand it.
From our deepest inner being- our cry, our moaning, our words, this song is drawn out of us through persecution of the soul.
We are afraid within ourselves. Isn't there someone out there who can hear me? Anyone out there who can help me?
Can you hear us God? Do you care to listen? Are you there? Have you abandoned us vulnerable before our enemy? Left to ourselves?
Our emotions, our confusions, just keep churning.
Hope seems distant. We scream "rescue". This is what we want.
But we believe "forsaken".
To be honest, this is something I like to believe sometimes.

A few weeks back, lamenting has been... lingering in the skies of my life. If you asked me a few weeks ago on what I felt about lamenting, I would have said I had no problem with lamenting. I had no problem with letting God know how I felt. I reflect on that now and feel.. I brought that a little bit too far.
I got too comfortable with lamenting and stretched too far in "freedom" of complaining to God. For that's really what lamenting is. Complaining.

We are free to lament. I don't mind it. Thank you God for this freedom. Within this, though, it's important to remember honoring God with respect. This should also be thrown into the balance of our honesty with God. If anything our God doesn't want us to be fake with Him, He knows ALL- the deepest desires and deepest hurts of us. God wants us to be honest with Him. He doesn't want our sugar-coated words or want us to beat around the bush with poeticly laced questions or feelings. He'll know what we really feel.
God I don't understand this. Where are you? Who are you? Why did you let this happen? I hate. I love. I don't like what I'm facing.. do something about it.
Last year I was having a conversation with Jesus, I felt he said that in the freedom of telling Him what we really feel... that shows TRUST on our side that we can go to our Father with anything. He can handle whatever we dish out, can handle our "wrath".
Our Father is trustworthy, we can share our secrets.
He is understanding, our tangled paths of confusion, misunderstanding, and anger, these paths could be made straight- He will counsel us through it.
We'll always be received with compassion. He is slow to anger.
To try and figure out anything by ourselves, we would just get twisted more.
To turn to the world, we would get darkened counsel.
As I've learned in Psalms class, lamenting most always end in rejoicing.
In the end of every chapter of my life I hope there would be rejoicing. If not, than definately the last chapter of my life. God is the author of it, so without a doubt, I know there will be joyous sound pouring from my lips and in my dance.
In midst of my lamenting, I can rejoice because I'm not alone.
I can rejoice because even in my weakness there is strength birthed from the Holy Spirit.
I can rejoice because warriors of the skies, God's angels, side with me.
I am heard, I am answered.
I am loved, I am not forsaken.
Most amazing, I am redeemed. Fully living salvation and working it out in my life.
So forget the belief that my cries could end in abandonment, but rather remember the promise of the Lord- His courage and strength- and may I instead cry out in abandoned praise.
When all else has disappeared and I am abandoned, I am always abandoned to the Lord. He is always there. In the end, He's all I have. And He's enough. More than enough.

~:~

2006-03-08T23:28:00.000-08:00

Create in me a renewed right Spirit... GOD, your God, will cut away the thick calluses on your heart

and your children's hearts, freeing you to love GOD, your God,

with your whole heart and soul and live, really live.

Deut. 30.6 msg

I'll give you a new heart. I'll put a new spirit in you.

I'll cut out your stone heart and replace it

with a red-blooded, firm-muscled heart.

Ezek. 11:19 msg

... and replace it with a heart that's God-willed, not self-willed.

Ezek. 36:26

Job 33
1 "But now, Job, listen to my words;

pay attention to everything I say.
2 I am about to open my mouth;

my words are on the tip of my tongue.
3 My words come from an upright heart;

my lips sincerely speak what I know.
4 The Spirit of God has made me;

the breath of the Almighty gives me life.
5 Answer me then, if you can;

prepare yourself and confront me.
6 I am just like you before God;

I too have been taken from clay.
7 No fear of me should alarm you,

nor should my hand be heavy upon you.
8 "But you have said in my hearing—

I heard the very words-
9 'I am pure and without sin;

I am clean and free from guilt.
10 Yet God has found fault with me;

he considers me his enemy.
11 He fastens my feet in shackles;

he keeps close watch on all my paths.'
12 "But I tell you, in this you are not right,

for God is greater than man.
13 Why do you complain to him

that he answers none of man's words [a] ?
14 For God does speak—now one way, now another—

though man may not perceive it.
15 In a dream, in a vision of the night,

when deep sleep falls on men

as they slumber in their beds,
16 he may speak in their ears

and terrify them with warnings,
17 to turn man from wrongdoing

and keep him from pride,
18 to preserve his soul from the pit, [b]

his life from perishing by the sword. [c]
19 Or a man may be chastened on a bed of pain

with constant distress in his bones,
20 so that his very being finds food repulsive

and his soul loathes the choicest meal.
21 His flesh wastes away to nothing,

and his bones, once hidden, now stick out.
22 His soul draws near to the pit, [d]

and his life to the messengers of death. [e]
23 "Yet if there is an angel on his side

as a mediator, one out of a thousand,

to tell a man what is right for him,
24 to be gracious to him and say,

'Spare him from going down to the pit [f] ;

I have found a ransom for him'-
25 then his flesh is renewed like a child's;

it is restored as in the days of his youth.
26 He prays to God and finds favor with him,

he sees God's face and shouts for joy;

he is restored by God to his righteous state.
27 Then he comes to men and says,

'I sinned, and perverted what was right,

but I did not get what I deserved.
28 He redeemed my soul from going down to the pit, [g]

and I will live to enjoy the light.'
29 "God does all these things to a man—

twice, even three times-
30 to turn back his soul from the pit, [h]

that the light of life may shine on him.
31 "Pay attention, Job, and listen to me;

be silent, and I will speak.
32 If you have anything to say, answer me;

speak up, for I want you to be cleared.
33 But if not, then listen to me;

be silent, and I will teach you wisdom."
~

Footnotes:
Job 33:13 Or that he does not answer for any of his actions
Job 33:18 Or preserve him from the grave
Job 33:18 Or from crossing the River
Job 33:22 Or He draws near to the grave
Job 33:22 Or to the dead
Job 33:24 Or grave
Job 33:28 Or redeemed me from going down to the grave
Job 33:30 Or turn him back from the grave

...

Oh, wow. The Lord is at my side.

Renewed, he makes my soul.

Completely, broken down and made up again as pottery by His hands.

His Spirit weilding in me, greatness!

I get to take part in this.

From death. I was. To life. I came.

His Word

2006-03-07T14:01:00.000-08:00

"Do you actually take the words of Jesus
for what it says?"
This has been a question booming in the back of my head.
Jesus words are powerful.
They bring life, they move hearts, they penetrate our thoughts, they break down walls of pride and arrogance...
He himself called himself "THE WORD".

Don't you believe that I am in the Father,
and that the Father is in me?
The words I say to you are not just my own.
Rather,
it is the Father,
living in me,
who is doing his work.
Believe me
when I say that I am
in the Father and the Father is in me;
or at least believe
on the
e v i d e n c e
of the miracles themselves.
.
I tell you the truth,
anyone
who has faith in me
!WILL DO!
-what I have been doing-.
.
He will do even greater things than these,
because I am going to the Father.
.
And I will do
w h a t e v e r...y o u...a s k
i n...m y...n a m e ,
so that the Son may
bring glory
to the Father.
You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
.
"If you love me,
you will obey what I command.
.
And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor
to be with you forever—
the Spirit of truth.
The world cannot accept him,
because it neither sees him
nor knows him.
But you know him,
for he lives with you
and will be in you.
.
I will not leave you as orphans;
I will come to you.
Before long, the world will not see me anymore,
but you will see me.
Because I live, you also will live.
On that day
you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.
.
Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."
Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, "But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?"
Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching.
These words you hear are not my own;
they belong to the Father who sent me."
All this I have spoken while still with you.
.
But the Counselor,
the Holy Spirit,
whom the Father will send
in my name,
will teach you
all things
and will remind you
of everything I have said to you.
.
Peace I leave with you;
my peace I give you.
I do not give to you as the world gives.
DO NOT
let your hearts be troubled
and do not be afraid!
.
"You heard me say, 'I am going away and I am coming back to you.' If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father,
for the Father is greater than I.
I have told you now
before it happens,
so that when it does happen
you will believe.
I will not speak with you much longer, for the prince of this world is coming.
He has no hold on me,
but the world must learn that I love the Father
and that I do exactly what my Father has commanded me.
Come now; let us leave".
....................
These are words from:
John 14
Verses 10-31
....................

Zzzz

2006-03-06T03:26:00.000-08:00

GUYS... I CAN'T SLEEP!
One of those nights...
j
u
s
t
.
can't.
s
..l
....e
......e
........p
...........

I'll try to go to bed.

Tomorrow I'll tell you guys about our Sunday youth service!

You're excited? I know, I'm excited too.

I wonder what they thought of zits way back in the day...

hymph

Come back to the sticks.

2006-02-27T23:51:00.000-08:00

Our lil piece of heaven. We have returned! To Nemiah. This is our "reading" break. Although I DO have to get on to my reading:S I'm just excited to be home:)
Our planned schedule to leave the Fraser Valley: 9:00AM. Actual time of departure: 11:00AM. Man, we're so indian time about everything. Mike, Alissa 'n Dan experience this most weeks of youth nites! Notice I said most? Not every week. We seriously been doing some good timing though, we have arrived on time for our youth leader meetings:) Hi-5, Hi-5!
Anyway, 11 hours later from our departure we are sitting at home. I've missed my family so much:( We were greeted with hugs and we talked forever. Well, not that long, they all have school and work to go to early in the morning. Ha, suckers! I feel for you guys (talking to family).
Hey quick
s
i
d
e
note: I'm becoming less of a morning person. I dread early mornings! They kill me! If my days started at 10 or something that would be awesome. O'well. I love my nights. I feel so alive! Too lively. I need to sleep so I can focus during my 8AM Psalms class. It's nice though. I guess. I finish all my classes in the morning, I have my afternoons and evenings. Filled with youth nites, small groups, Vespers, work out, dates, lazying, walks in the park, shopping, sleeping... homework.
So I'm the only one up. Surprising huh?
There's still a whole lot of snow out here. Jackie said it all came last night. It's freaking beautiful! We haven't had this much snow in freakishly long time.
So this week I hope to at least get some homework in, visit my ?Etsu's and aunties, play some ball hockey at gym nite tomorrow, play in the snow, pour out wisdom I have received, drop by the skoo and B.O. (aka Band Office, not body odor), lazy around, quad and take some pictures;)

This past weekend we went to Acquire the Fire in Tacoma, Washington.
Words to sum it up: amazing (looooooong) weekend, incredible drama play, heart-touching music, no mosh pits= poo-ey, whole lot of fast food (mmm Subway), youth refocusing on Christ, aligning themselves to obedience of their call, intimate small group discussion, stressful driving, chaotic communication (lol between leaders, mix ups are expected!:D), a lot of people, pink wigs, La Quinta, security called on us (being too loud in hotel:S), sleepy dozy people (us), artistically funky Sunday church service, more dozy people.
By the end of it, or in middle of it, 3 youth voiced to us that they gave their lives to Jesus!
ALL worth it.

My eyebrows...

2006-02-26T23:19:00.000-08:00

are in bad need of threading!
(A.K.A. plucking)
They're long past due.

I fell over.

2006-02-26T22:15:00.000-08:00

Just now! And Yo can't stop laughing. It was really funny actually. It's almost 10:30 P.M, Yo 'n Chelsea fell asleep during a movie 'n I was trying to be as quiet as possible. Well after my tiptoe-ing around I was fiddling with the computer hard-drive which is sitting at my feet. So I'm sitting on my chair and have bent down to try and plug my camera cord in the back of it and... wait. My chair's history: the 2 legs on one side of it tend to bend inwards if you lean with it a certain way and it falls to one side. I was leaning backwards in my chair so I could get a better look at the hard-drive and I fell over. Feet up in the air and everything. I looked behind me to see if I woke up the girls and well, if you saw me you would laugh your stomach out too. Aaagh, lol this always happens to me! I goof up!
Yea, Yo's been laughing for at least 20 minutes. In her mind her imagination hits play, rewind and play over and over again.
Telling her that it wasn't funny or to shut-up makes her laugh even more. And then Chelsea laughs more cuz Yo is laughing then I laugh and then we all laugh and Yo laughs more, so we don't stop laughing! On my way to attack her, my legs got caught up in the blanket and I almost tripped. Again. Yo laughs more histerically. "Our stomachs are sore", but Yo's more so.

Sails.

2006-02-23T11:21:00.000-08:00

Although the wind is very powerful and you can feel its presence, in and of itself it cannot be seen. You know it is there by its effect on others. The great trees, the grasses and waves on the sea bend with its force. If you are aware of your surroundings, you know it is there long before you feel it. So it is with the Ineffable. - Author Unknown The winds of grace are always blowing... it is you who must raise your sails.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

-Philippians 4:6
The will of God will never lead you where the grace of God cannot keep you.

Ignite the fire... again

2006-02-21T11:27:00.000-08:00

I brought this back again. Our dance with the Lord. Lately my Teacher has been re-igniting the fire within my heart. He's been bringing me back to His heart. I'm still on that journey. He's been asking me upon the alter of my own heart, what have I placed there? Do idols take the place of Christ? Or is Christ the center of my heart? Jesus has made the final and complete sacrifice, am I living in the confidence of this? Do I take hope in this day to day?
Am I living as a renewed soul that He has made the way for me to be?
Yes.
I believe that is what all our hearts yearn for, even scream for.
It's not fantasy that we are to walk this narrow path that is less travelled. It's reality. Our "yes" to walk down this path, it is deep in our hearts! Jesus has promised me, has assured me that He will help me to carry out that yes. In my life.
And the lives of others.
...
Imagine. You are in a dream. It's you and Jesus, you are walking down the beach together.
The Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace. But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures and returns.
For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently.
You and Jesus are walking as true friends!
This seems perfect, but then something happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones,
you and Jesus are becoming one.
This goes on for many miles, gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether.
This goes on for some time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse!
Zig
..... zags are ....................... a....l....l.......o....v....e....r
.............................................................................the place.
Stops.
....................... ...Starts.
G a s h e s...in the sand.
A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked.

Your dream ends.

It troubles you to no end, for days you are plagued by the meaning of this, and so you pray:
"Lord, I understand the first scene with zigzags and fits.
I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You."
"Yes, that's correct."
"...And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps; followed You very closely."
"Very good. You have understood everything so far."
"...When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way."
"Precisely."
"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first."
There is a pause and the Lord answers, you could hear the smile in His voice, "My precious child, you didn't know?
That was when we danced!"
...

Love. This is what we are commanded to live by. Is that hard?
We are to fall in love with our Lord.
Love Him first.
Then, love our neighbors as ourself.
In doing this, we are also loving Christ.
Love. This is the greatest.
Without love, whatever is in your being, or whatever you do, without love, it's all in vain. It goes to nothing without love.
This is pretty powerful.
There's power in it.
Love is what this world moves for.
This is what we shall find our joy in. Serving the Lord, serving people who surround us.
And lately.. God's been confirming that "Joy, is our strength".
Take his hand,
let Him lead you out onto the floor,
dance with Him.
He's patient to teach you about the dance in your life.
He'll counsel you through it.
This has been my encouragement. In my own heart, the fire's growing.

So... so!... So.

2006-02-18T21:05:00.000-08:00

I am goin to write a 'BORED' song.

I am bored, oh how I am bored.
I have everything to do but they are things I don't want to do.
I am bored, wow I am bored.
Squirrels laugh at me because I don't collect acorns. Hippos laugh at me because I don't live in swampy waters.
Skateboards are more active than me.
Boredom, boredom.. you are my friend.
You are the closest to me.. in this moment.
Maybe I'll ditch and... write this blurb.
Yea, mmhmmm.
Now Gilmore Girls and us, we're just going to veg out.
As of now, picking a fight with a bear seems like fun. Think I will walk back to Nemiah and do that.. next week.

Blah, why am I so restless? Why do we as humans get restless?

All I have to say about that is...

Blick... Blick.. Blick!................ blick.

In the midst...

2006-02-17T14:07:00.000-08:00

Psalm 16

A miktam of David. [a]

...

Keep me safe, O God,

for in you I take refuge.

I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord;

apart from you I have no good thing."

As for the saints who are in the land,

they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight. [b]

The sorrows of those will increase

who run after other gods.

I will not pour out their libations of blood

or take up their names on my lips.

Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;

you have made my lot secure.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;

even at night my heart instructs me.

I have set the Lord always before me.

Because he is at my right hand,

I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;

my body also will rest secure,

because you will not abandon me to the grave, [c]

nor will you let your Holy One [d] see decay.

You have made [e] known to me the path of life;

you will fill me with joy in your presence,

with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

...

Footnotes:
Psalm 16:1 Title: Probably a literary or musical term
Ps 16:3 Or As for the pagan priests who are in the land /

and the nobles in whom all delight, I said:
Ps 16:10 Hebrew Sheol
Ps 16:10 Or your faithful one
Ps 16:11 Or You will make

...

The white splatters against the black and red canvas. This is our soul. The twisting, the meshing, the squeezing of our flesh and the Spirit. The white dominates. In a way. It's purity doesn't go on ignored in the midst of all the darkness of the flesh. The white splashes will go out into the soul and will not stop it's work until it has worked it's way into the deepest part of the soul. It will not stop until all as been 'bleached'.

Every now and then, in my thinking, this thought moves me, the fact that my only safety is in Him. When it comes down to it, it's just me and God. Not me and my money. Not me, my money and God. Not my family and me. My friend and me, my boyfriend and me or anything. It simply is, God. And simply, me. The two of us. I have nothing else to depend on but Him. Refuge, that is the Lord's name.

Jessie has helped me to see this.

I love reading the Message. It puts things simply and into perspective.

I've definately been resting in this truth of His graceful counsel over me. Verse 7, The wise counsel GOD gives when I'm awake
is confirmed by my sleeping heart.

In my dark, I have those dark days, I was encouraged that just a few days ago, even when I felt "distant" from God, I still chose to draw into Him and He drew near. Through the dark, His light reached in.

This is my song (Verse 8-11):
Day and night I'll stick with GOD;
I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go!

I'm happy from the inside out,
and from the outside in, I'm firmly formed.
You canceled my ticket to hell--
that's not my destination!
Now you've got my feet on the life path,
all radiant from the shining of your face.
Ever since you took my hand,
I'm on the right way.

Yes, this thought has 'danced' across my mind

2006-02-16T04:17:00.000-08:00

Hmm.. I'm always wondering if there are more people within the congregation, youth or college group that I am standing in who have a dancer that's got to be pryed out of them.
Maybe not so much pry but..
to inspire.
To let down those walls we put up for "protection" and be 'all-out-vulnerable' before the One God who actually cares.
I seriously just go bezerk inside cuz.. the joy of the Lord manifests in many different ways! Dancing for example. I always thought joy could be expressed. With emotion. With action. With crazy words.
Why is it that in church.. joy is shoved down in ourselves when we come together as a body and sing. In our fellowship we let ourselves be locked up within ourselves.
I think, uhh, I KNOW God lets us free to show our joy in how He's made us. We have hands- clap, pray, lift them up, embrace the one next to you.
We have feet- walk, jump, dance, don't stomp on the feet of the ones next to you. Maybe if I look close enough I'll see indents on the pews by hands clenched to keep from doing anything or.. "going crazy".
Maybe if I look close enough I'll see... no indentations on the floor because feet resist the urge to jump and dance!
Let loose people!
Let the free-spirited worshipper be released from within you!

And that means letting go of pride.

We can 'afford' to look like a fool and 'undignified' before the Lord.

THROW UP YA RAWK FIST

2006-02-16T02:24:00.000-08:00

.
IF YA FEELIN IT WHEN I DROP THIS…
All I know is what it did take to make this,
all I am is what it will take to break this,
light it up now...

These are the lyrics of...

Thousand Foot Krutch

All I know is what it did take to make this...

There's something bigger than me, the Creator, who created me, created all- everything lies in His hands. Nothing is in my hands except my life, I lift it and offer it up to the One who's made Himself Everything to me. Made Himself my ALL.

God knows. He knows what it takes to make this. And this, this is my life. This is LIFE.

All I am is what it will take to break this...

I love this! "All I am". When Yahweh showed up before Moses 'as a burning bush' His very words to Moses was "I AM that I Am". In other translations it goes "I AM the One who always is".

The fact that God says "I am" He is very precise, and making it clear that Moses knows who it is that is behind him when he goes out to deliver his people. Makes his servant Moses KNOW who it is, in who's power and authority, that he goes out upon the land. The Lord says of Himself "I am faithful. I am patient. I am kind. I am Holy. I am pure. I am the Creator, Judge, Father, Friend. I am love. I AM the final." He is all these things. The "bottom-line" so to speak.

Moses had to do an impossible task. He knew it. God knew it. Impossible in the eyes of men! God knew it. What's impossible for men, well.. you know. Is not impossible for God.

He's above everything!

Because we are the Lord's, so are we. The Great I AM is within us! The Spirit that is within us compels us...

All I am is what it takes to break this.

I don't want to get off track and say that this is bad. This could be anything, I took it to be whatever comes to us in life, the good and the bad. To break it, I took it as, in the good- throw up your rawk fist, we have all reason to be excited! When it gets bad- throw up your rawk fist, we have all reason to be excited!

Ha.

Whether we're having it good or bad, rejoice. Have a 'party'.

We're not in any of this alone.

Yea. Hmm.. *wonderin if I confused you in babbling*

* Sunlight is there...

2006-02-16T01:23:00.000-08:00

...................... _
Hope (Hop)
v.
hoped, hop·ing, hopes
n.
1. A desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment. 2. Something that is hoped for or desired: Success is our hope. 3. One that is a source of or reason for hope: the team's only hope for victory. 4. often Hope Christianity The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God's help. 5. Archaic Trust; confidence.

"Where there's life, there's hope."

I wish I could 'gleak' on demand.

2006-02-08T10:13:00.000-08:00

That way... no one will mess with me! Everyone is intimidated by me as it is anyway. My beatings are quite harsh.
Beware of my wrath people!
This is just my wishful thinking.
To gleak on demand.
Because.
I can't.
Always accidently. Like few times it's gone on this computer screen as I was drinking or something. Always when I'm eating.
I try to recap what I just did after I've gleaked but.. can't piece together what the special technique is all about.
Maybe I should go ask a camel.

Hey is it 'gleaked' or 'dleaked'... 'gleek', 'dleek'

Squirrel is a cool word. Caramel apples are good! I had chocolate chip cookies today.

Today is a beautiful day. Like yesterday. And day before. As tomorrow will be. And every day after that. Cloudy days are still beautiful. I watch for God in the clouds, I like to observe the shades and how the grey takes form in the sky. This grey blanket stretches across the sky completely. Almost wonder if the sun will come back...
As Yo has said "There's still a sun behind those clouds!"
Yea, the lights chime in every now and then. The shadows of the clouds flee as the sunlight invades the Fraser Valley. And we might forget for a lil while the 'bland' weather we've been having all this while, because we are caught up in this soul-warming gift. The kiss of this light gives breath to 'living things', nature. To us. Mt Baker is frosted with snow and seemingly bigger and brighter.

And
I still wish I could get my 'gleak' on!

I pulled a 'Meaghan'

2006-02-07T11:06:00.000-08:00

Meg's I slept for...*counting*- 16 hours!

And it felt gooood;):)

Well... I'm not too sure about that now. I felt "rested" earlier. As of now, it's close to midnight 'n my head feels like.. metal. My brain feels like it has been increased twice the size. Maybe cuz I am coming down with a head cold? Did I catch my cold from my sis? Hmmm... maybe it's cuz the 'all-nighter' threw me off..

I dunno.

I'm feeling wonky. Whatever comes out of my mouth doesn't make any sense at all. Me 'n Yo stole Billy's food card so we could eat at the cafeteria 'n we sat with Alissa:) Blah, was all I could say. It's all that came out. And then Mike came over and decided to pick on me about my shopping spree at Value Village. They ran into me there. They're always there! Every Thursday. But today was a Tuesday. But he claimed I was on "his territory". So I went over to "mine", the girls section. I bought some books and a lot of T's. He made me go through my list of stuff 'n Yo 'n him were goin to give me a lecture about spending money. I only go like once a month and he goes EVERY WEEK! So... we're equal-ish.

It's true though. I need to go smart with my money. I haven't been doing bad lately. Laura 'n I last year in Lifeteams were rowing the same boat, we're spenders! How's it been going with yours Laura?... are you going to scalp me for exposing our 'secret'?

So I don't think I'll make it a habit of sleeping 16 hours.

That was insane! There's something that's in me that kind of... shrinks at the fact that I slept THAT LONG. Ick.

lol I say I pulled a 'Meaghan' cuz well Meg's slept quite a bit in Lifeteams and was known for it. She loved sleep! Sorry Meg's. For spilling the beans.

This is the extent of anything 'intelligent' I can piece together in my brain right now.

...

An encouragement? This has been my challenge.

Hope. Hope in what is unseen, what is not yet here. Hope for high things. Entertain your mind with

'whatever is true,

...whatever is noble,

......whatever is right,

.........whatever is pure,

............whatever is lovely,

...............whatever is admirable

—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-

—think about such things.

Phillipians 4:8 rejoices in this.

Stand in the hope of what has been set on your hearts.

They've been pressed upon you for a reason.

For a reason!

Soak your mind in heavenly things. Concern your being (heart, mind, soul) with what God's heart is concerned with.

He will keep His promise: He is with you (Emmanuel). His Spirit will move you in the way He desires.

And it's important you look through His eyes and not your own!

Our eyes see small and limited and tainted.

His eyes see all, see possibilities, promises, HOPE, abundance.

After all He has layed the foundations of the world, He should know how to get you through in the world.

His understandings have sketched the galaxies and the beaming heavens.

Nothing is hidden from Him. He's made it that His WILL happens.

This is the authority of which His wings He has given us flies on.

He presses His will upon our hearts. We walk in the life of it. The reality of it.

It unravels with, through, and in our lives!

Hope in it.

Believe it.

Live it.

Rejoice in it!

Life surrendered...

A lot of stuffs goin on..

Something to think about.

An old thing I wrote..

Today, I will make a difference.

It's nice to know...

Undivided attention?

Longing to give Him everything

Singing my song

Teacapan Authentic Mexican Restaurant

Jus okay with' 2 leaves on my tree?? Heck no.

Jus a lot of random pictures...

Far wiser to descend the mountian than fall from it

Who should paint you

A peak at my Christmas Holiday so far...

Children in church are funny...

Some ADORABLE pictures...

Check this out...!

A Happy Birthday...

gahhh!...

If you wanna listen...

Surprises are cool.

Holy Spirit help me trust you in this Dance

Rejection hurts

Defeated by sin?

Dear Reader,

On a beautiful Day in Nemiah~

randoms

Through New Doors

Greeted at home with...

Life without the tiptoeing

So much before me...

Africa

Homesick

We...

Trying too hard

Death, swallowed up in victory

G.R.I.T.S. Youth

Who has told the lightning where it should go...

Our everyday ravens...

Krutches of truth

grace under fire

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

Tickle fight!

hymph

The day the sun stands still...

Little reminder...

My clock loves 4:20

His waters run.

Pickles. No, cottage cheese!

Our kids

Going beZerk!

In a perfect world...

Jammin'

Breaking through!

*holding breath!*

Really disliking the "box".

In this I find truth, in it I know there's life.

Git-R-Done Fer GOD

Seasons of the Soul

In seeking...

It's a mystery.

Yo's kicking me around

Lament

~:~

His Word

Zzzz

Come back to the sticks.

My eyebrows...

I fell over.

Sails.

Ignite the fire... again

So... so!... So.

In the midst...

Yes, this thought has 'danced' across my mind

THROW UP YA RAWK FIST

* Sunlight is there...

I wish I could 'gleak' on demand.

I pulled a 'Meaghan'

holding breath!